Taboo
by Rox3l
Summary: A collection of AkuRoku one, two, and three shots. Some stories may/will contain: Yaoi, Masturbation, Rape, Self Harm, Sensitive Subjects and/or any other Adult Situation.
1. Dirty Dancer

~O~

The beat of the music is so loud that it vibrates to the core of Axel's body. The air, thick with the heat of so many bodies in one room, carries the aroma of alcohol and perfume. It clings to the back of his throat as he makes his way through the crowd to the side of the stage. There is a slender young man in the spot light grinding to the beat of the music. He watches for a moment before turning his jade eyes to his companion. Riku sits grinning at the stage waving a 20 dollar bill. The dancer, a brunette saunters over to where they are and rolls his hips as he stops in front of Riku.

He smiles down at the sliverette before falling gracefully onto all fours and writhing against the stage floor. Riku catches his breath as he watches the boy thrust his hips against the stage in a half pushup. He catches Riku's eye and a spark flies between them that makes Riku's heart jump and he's on his feet up against the very edge of the stage before he realizes he has moved. The dancer, who's name Axel finally remembers is Sora, throws his head back to the music and lifts himself to his knees thrusting at Riku. Riku pulls 2 more 20's from his pocket and tucks them into the strap of Sora's very tight thong.

Sora flashes him a sultry smile and throws himself back with enough momentum that he does a flip, comes up onto his hands in a handstand and with barely any shown effort is back on his feet and strutting toward the curtain at the back of the stage. Riku sits back and gives Axel a 'cat who ate the canary' grin. Axel returns the look and turns his eyes to look over the crowd. This was a new place for them to come, Riku had actually found it a while ago and had been here a few times before inviting Axel to come along. So far, Axel was not disappointed.

"And that was the wonderful Sora. Now, you all know what is coming next. He could charm a monk into sex, let hear it for the other half of the dynamic duo, Roxas!"

Axel turns back to the stage just in time to see his wet dream come true strutting onto the stage. Roxas was blonde haired, blue eyed and had flawless pale, though lightly toned skin. Axel licks his lips as he takes in the dancers outfit. He is wearing a tight shear black top that comes just below his ribcage, shinny black shorts that show off the bottom curves of his ass and thigh high black high heeled boots. Axel is pretty sure a stripper has never turned him on so much in his life. And he hadn't even done anything yet! Riku notices Axel's interest in this dancer and smiles. He knew that Roxas would be right up Axel ally.

The music starts and Axel notices it as some Enrique Iglesias song that is popular right now, but he's never actually listened to it before. Roxas starts by moving his hips a bit as the intro to the song gets going. He then wraps his hand around the pole he is standing next to and does a half twirl, moving his hips some more. A few men let out a whistle and toss money onto the stage. As the main line of the song hits Roxas hauls himself up onto the pole with nothing but his upper body strength. He lets himself down a bit and kicks off from the ground before wrapping his legs around the pole and leaning his chest away so that he is bent in half looking at the crowd from upside down.

He leans back up taking the pole in one hand and letting himself slide to the floor. He spreads his legs, coming down into a split before curling his legs under himself and getting gracefully to his feet. Axel swallows hard and he's not sure when he started to lightly squeeze himself through his pants. Roxas pushes off with both hands on the poll swing around he brings his legs up and lifts them provocatively spinning a few times before dropping them, shifting his hands and lifting himself so that he has only one leg hooked over the poll holding him up. The rest of his body is hovering barely an inch from the metal as he moves.

Axel shifts, his pants are so uncomfortable and he can feel his temperature spiking. He pulls two 50's from his pocket as Roxas does a few more tricks on the pole, earning him more money thrown onto the stage. He then steps away from the pole and his eyes lock on Axel. Axel freezes and shivers as that deep azure gaze gives him a once over. Smiling, Roxas rolls his hips with each step as he makes his way to the end of the stage. Axel holds up the bills and Roxas takes them, sliding them down along his body before tucking them into the front of his shorts, which he unbuttons while his hand it there. Axel watches the movement and his lust is almost palpable. Roxas slips from the stage and comes around to Axel's side, placing his hands on the man's shoulders.

If any blood had been reaching Axel's brain before this, it wasn't now that Roxas had crawled into his lap and was writhing against him. Axel has had lap dances before, but this was something else entirely. Roxas wasn't trying to keep his distance, wasn't avoiding rubbing up against Axel's very obvious erection. If anything he was very much trying to touch as much as he could while still looking like he was only giving Axel a lap dance. Taking a shaky breath Axel moves his hips up ever so slightly and Roxas makes a small moan. It sets off lightening in Axel's brain and he does it again. Thrusting against him so slightly that it was barely even a move of his hips, but it was just enough.

Roxas leans down and locks lips with Axel, sliding his tongue into that hot cavern. He moves more harshly for a few more moments and Axel loses it. Throwing his head back he lets out a choked gasp and comes in his pants. Roxas can feel the other man's member spasming and he moans in Axel's ear before sexily sliding off his lap and dancing his way into the crowd as his song ends. After another few seconds Axel realizes what's just happened and shame and anger flair over him. A fucking stripper just made him cream his pants. A fucking _stripper_ made him come in his pants like he was fucking 14-years-old.

Never in Axel's 23 years has he ever been more ashamed and turned on. He watches Roxas as he makes his way backstage, pausing and giving Axel a smile and licks his lips. The look clearly says '_Come back and see me again_.'

~O~

Rox3l: So this was inspired by Enrique Iglesias' song Dirty Dancer. It has been stuck in my head all day and I figure that all though I have been trying to expand my chapters into works with 3,000+ words a chapter I figured that I would get it out of my system. Let me know if you like it or not.


	2. Pictures of You Part 1

~O~

"Care to explain this?" Roxas asked holding up a half naked picture of himself sleeping.

Axel paled, his mind stuttering to a halt, "Uhhhh. . .not really?"

"Not really?" Roxas cried staring indignantly at his roommate, "This is an invasion of my privacy Axel. How many more like this do you have?"

Axel bit his lip, debating whether or not to tell Roxas the truth, "There's just a few. . ."

"A few?" Roxas hissed. "There shouldn't be any! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

The redhead looked guiltily at the floor. He had been dreading this day since he had snapped that first forbidden picture of his roommate almost two years ago. He had come home late from taking pictures in the park with his new HD night vision camera to find Roxas passed out on the sofa in his boxers. The cloth hanging dangerously low on his hips so that the top of his light colored pubic hair was visible. His camera was raised and pointed and before he even knew what he was doing he had taken the picture and retreated back into his room. His heart beating a mile a minute in his chest.

And now his dirty little secret was out. Roxas was standing here with one of his photos, a look of disgust plastered over his face. "Roxas. . ." Axel was at a loss for what to say. How do you tell your best friend and roommate that you have been in love with him for forever and that you have been taking naked pictures of him sleeping?

Roxas threw the picture down and covered his face with his hand. "Show me the rest of the pictures you took." he said after a few moments.

Axel's heart leapt into his throat. He had more than just a few pictures. More like a couple hundred, and he knew that Roxas would react badly to them all. "I. . .I don't think you want to see them, Rox."

Roxas' eyebrows furrowed, "why not? They are pictures you took of me. I want to see them."

Axel shook his head and his world shifted, like it wasn't quite on it's axis like it had been moments ago. He swallowed hard and didn't move from where he sat on the living room couch. "Roxas, please." His voice was small and pleading, pitiful.

Roxas wasn't swayed and he was a little more insistent now, demanding that Axel show him the pictures that he had taken or he was going to call campus security. Reluctantly, Axel got up from the sofa and trudged defeated from the living room to the stairs of their off campus apartment. His heart was a big ball of pain and he was sure that any second he was going to drop dead from a heart attack. He wished that any second he _would_ drop dead so that he didn't have to bare his humiliation to the very person that it was about. Roxas was a silent shadow at his side as they walked up the stairs, but Axel couldn't even spare a glance his way. He didn't want to see the hate that he knew was going to be in those cerulean eyes.

Axel pushed the door to his room open and hit the light switch. It was slightly messy in his room, there were clothes and books shoved into every corner and along the walls, but the middle of the floor was clear of any debris. Axel crossed the space, leaving Roxas to come into the room and take a seat on the edge of the bed. He opened a drawer that had a lock box in it and pulled it out. He then pulled the chain that he never took off from around his neck that held the key.

Roxas' eyes widened, "That's what that key is for? I've asked you so many times what that went to. . ."

Axel looked off to the side, ashamed as he fit the key into the hole. He turned it and the lock popped, the lid opening. Axel's heart was beating so fast that he was sure that he was going to pass out as he lifted the album from it's hiding place. It was a large album, and it had to be to hold so many pictures. Holding it to his chest he turned back to Roxas and walked slowly to him. When he was about a foot away he presented the book to him. Roxas had to take it with two hands it was so heavy. He placed it in his lap and opened it, each image was dated with Axel's neat and careful script. The first couple dozen images were in everyday situation. Him in the apartment, cooking, watching TV, doing homework. Others were him around campus. In the library, in the cafe, the halls, at his locker. There were even some around town. In a park, a restaurant, on the sidewalk, outside their building. Each was him not looking at the camera, so they were all taken without his knowledge. About a quarter of the way through were where the sleeping images started. Roxas felt sicker and sicker with each page he turned.

There were dozens of pictures here. Ones with him clothed, ones in his boxers, ones when he was completely naked. In each the covers had been pulled back so that he was completely exposed. He side glanced to Axel, who was looking at the carpet determined not to look at Roxas, then looked back at the album. Each page was hand written and all the images were carefully positioned on each page of the book. It must have taken a long time for Axel to make this album. As Roxas turned the next page his blood ran cold. There was a series of images from the same night but these had Axel's hands in them as he touched Roxas in his sleep, caressing his naked body.

He turned the page again and his stomach dropped even more. There was another series of pictures dated 3 months ago, but these ones had Axel's hand on his cock. His hard cock, which the images made it obvious that Axel was jerking him off. Roxas' breath was shallow as he turned to the last page, which had come shots of himself. His limbs were numb and his brain wasn't firing properly as he counted out how many pictures Axel had of him coming or having just came. He counted 20 pictures in the last few months of Axel sexually assaulting him. He sat there frozen, unable to process that his best friend, the one person in the whole world that Roxas trusted completely had betrayed him so badly.

He finally pushed the album off his lap where it fell with a loud thump that made Axel jump and look up at him. He was on his feet and clenching his fists, tears gathering in his eyes. Axel made a move forward and Roxas jerked back, twin trails falling down his flushed cheeks. Axel froze and let his extended hand drop. His jade eyes filling with pain, he never meant for it to go this far, and there was no comfort he could offer the other boy.

"You're sick!" Roxas hissed.

Axel just nodded.

"No! You are seriously demented. How could you do this to me? I thought you were my f-friend! You fucker!" Roxas backed up against the far wall, his arms tucked to his chest his eyes wild. "I trusted you. I told you things. Things I have never told anyone. I've never told anyone that I'm bi, not even Namine knows. . ."

Axel jerked at the name of Roxas' girlfriend. That was right, he knew Roxas even better then his own girlfriend. The same girlfriend he had been dating the entire two years they had been friends and still he hadn't had sex with her.

"I love you," Axel admitted helplessly. "I've always loved you." He moved forward with Roxas watching his advancement with wide tear filled eyes. "I know you better then anyone. . . "

Roxas' fist flashed out before Axel could react, catching him just under the chin causing his head to rock back and upwards. Blood formed at the corner of his mouth as his lip split. Roxas then darted for the door but Axel's reaction time had caught up with the situation and he caught Roxas' wrist before he made it to the doorway. Roxas screamed, fighting against the taller as he was dragged back and thrown onto the bed. He stared up fearfully as Axel loomed over him, his bottom lip torn and bleeding.

Axel growled and captured Roxas' lips with his own, forcing his tongue into the other man's mouth. The coppery taste of blood filled Roxas' mouth and he scrunched his eyes shut tight. He struggled against Axel's assault, but it seemed the more he struggled, the more aggressive Axel became, so Roxas sagged against the mattress. Axel relaxed as Roxas went limp, pulling back to look at Roxas's face. What he saw there wasn't what he was expecting. He expected to see anger, rejection, disgust, but what he found was fear. It made Axel heart squeeze and his stomach twist into a knot to see the look of pure terror on Roxas's feature.

"Oh, my, God. . ." Axel whispered against Roxas' lips. "You really think I would force you?" he asked in a hurt voice.

Roxas let out a sob he hadn't realized that he had been holding and he struggled out from under Axel, and this time Axel let him go. Watching as the small blonde tore ass out of his bedroom with sad, sad eyes. Roxas had actually believed that Axel was about to rape him. He wasn't sure which part of the night hurt him more, or which part to try and fix. If any of it was fixable in the first place. He hoped to God it was.

~O~

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><p>Rox: So, I've wanted to do a secret picture story for a long time. I hoped you guys like this little installment of the series. I had a hard time getting this out, I knew where I wanted to go with it but had a hell of a time getting it there. Let me know what you think, and if you have a request, throw it my way and I'll see where I can take it. Edited on 514/2012


	3. Stand in the Rain

~O~

Roxas stood on the doorstep of his boyfriend's house, shivering. It was 37 degrees and pouring rain but he was hesitant to ring the doorbell. Axel had warned him against taking the short cut though the park at night. He had bitched at him time and time again, but Roxas never listened. Always laughing it off because it was the fastest route home from work and nothing had ever happened to him. Until tonight. This time there was a man waiting for him under the bridge. A man who had violated him. . .

Roxas pushed the thoughts away and rang the bell. He clutched at the hem of his sweatshirt, naked from the waist down. Having lost his pants in the struggle and too distraught in his get away to remember them. His feet were numb and that numbness was starting to creep up his pale legs as he stood there, waiting. After what seemed like forever the door creaked open and Axel stood in a halo of light. His eyes were immediately wide, concerned and full of worry as he took in Roxas' appearance.

"I. . ." Roxas faltered as he felt tears welling up in his eyes. "The park. . .a man. . ." He finally choked out before succumbing to sobs.

Realization finally flashed across Axel's face and he scooped his little boyfriend into his arms and pulled him into the house. Roxas all but collapsed against him, screaming into his chest. "I t-told him to stop. But he wouldn't. He hit me, punched me in the face. I was dizzy, and before I knew it my pants were gone and he was on top of me, hurting me. . ." Roxas made a face against Axel's shirt and shook his head.

Axel swallowed hard. He felt like his insides had been ripped out. He had warned Roxas about traveling through the park so many times. Why didn't he listen? Gritting his teeth, Axel bit back the burning tears of anger, frustration, and most of all helplessness. He hated himself for not being there to save his boyfriend from this. He was supposed to protect him, and he had failed. Guilt chewed away at his insides as he held Roxas tightly and tried to soothe the smaller boy.

-6 months later-

Roxas sat next to Axel at the small table holding his hand. The day after Roxas' attack Axel had convinced Roxas to go to the police station and report the rape. The MO of the attack had matched three other attacks in Bastion Park and two weeks later the assailant was caught. Now after months of the trial, this was finally the end. The jury had been deliberating for two days and now came back with a verdict. A small man with baling hair stood up holding a piece of paper.

"We the jury find the defendant Ansem Arclight, not guilty of assault in the first degree. We find the defendant, not guilty of rape in the first degree."

"Very well," the judge consented. "Mr. Arclight. You are free to go."

Ansem stood from the table and cast Roxas a cocksure smirk before going up the little ally and out of the courtroom doors. Roxas didn't move, didn't breathe. Six months of being terrified that that man was going to come after him again. Six months of Axel telling him to wait just a little bit longer and Ansem was going to be put away where he could never touch anyone ever again. And now, in less then a minute, his entire world was unstable again. Unsafe again.

Axel squeezed Roxas' hand. The verdict had surprised him, but it hadn't taken the earth out from under his feet like it had Roxas. No, Axel knew exactly what needed to happen now. Knew exactly what he was going to do now that that monster was lose again. He was going to make sure that he never laid a hand on another person again. Permanently. Pulling Roxas up Axel hugged him to his chest, whispering that he was going to make everything okay.

-A Week Later-

Axel stood in the mouth if an ally, a cigarette hanging from his lips. He had been tailing Ansem since the verdict hearing and he was finally confident that he had the older man's schedule memorized. Any moment he was going to come out of that building, alone, and walk though the park. No doubt looking for his next victim. It pissed Axel off. Glancing down at his watch it glowed back at him exactly 10 o'clock. Like magic the door to the building Axel had been watching opened and the white haired man stepped out. He stood talking with a heavy built man for a few minutes before he bid the other farewell. Axel threw the filter to the pavement and slipped from the ally. Walking slowly on the other side of the street letting Ansem get ahead of him a ways before he crossed over.

He fell into step a few yards behind Ansem, the adrenaline pumping threw his veins making him feel agitated. He wanted so badly to just rush forward and kill that sadistic bastard, but he held back. Sticking to his plan seemed so much sweeter. When they were nearing the tunnel where Ansem had attacked Roxas the older man stopped and turned around.

"Why are you following me?" He called out in an authoritative voice.

Axel turned on the charm and sauntered closer, giving Ansem a sly smile, "I couldn't help but notice how attractive a man you are."

Ansem was still for a moment before the smallest of smiles crossed his face, "Oh did you now?"

Axel nodded, feeling sick but not letting his façade waiver, "Oh, yeah."

He moved closer and took hold of Ansem's tie with one gloved hand, his other coming out of his pocket. Ansem heard the click of the knife as Axel opened it but didn't have the balance to react as Axel yanked him into a kiss to muffle the cry Ansem made as Axel plunged the knife into the soft flesh of his abdomen. Twisting, Axel yanked the knife from Ansem's skin before repeating the motion over and over, stabbing Ansem 16 times before letting the other man's body fall limply to the ground. He was making a pitiful gurgling sound and clutched at the wounds where his intestines were spilling out onto the ground.

Axel stepping up next to Ansem and gave him a swift kick to the face. His boot made a sickening squish and a crunch as the leather connected with Ansem's nose. He did it twice more before Ansem stopping making a high piteous sound. Breathing heavily, Axel looked down at the body at his feet and felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. It scared him a little about how okay he was with having just killed another human being. The look on Roxas' face the night he had shown up soaked and shivering on his doorstep flashed though his mind and like a switched had been thrown, Axel didn't worry about not feeling bad at what he had done.

Ansem had signed his death warrant the second he laid his hand on Roxas. Pulling his pack of cigarettes from his pocket he lit one and looked down at the blood pooling on the concrete as he exhaled. He turned away as his cell phone starting ringing.

"Hello? Oh, hey Roxas. Yeah, I'm just on my way home, taking a shortcut though the park. . .Nah, don't worry about it, Rox. I have a pretty good feeling he's never going to hurt anyone ever again. . ."

~O~

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><p>Rox3l: Hey everyone. I hoped you like this little story. I like psycho Axel. We are probably going to be seeing more of him in my stories. And don't worry the second part of Pictures of You is coming soon.<p> 


	4. In The Heat Of The Night

Rox3l: So this little piece of pure smut came from my cats being in heat. Enjoy.

* * *

><p>~O~<p>

Jade green eyes popped open and were greeted by the sight of an elderly neko instead of his usually human servant. Axel stretched and gave a small grunt before he sat up and looked over at the older cat.

"Good morning, sir."

Axel gave him a tired 'morning' before sliding from his bed and heading to his dresser. "Where is Roxas?" he asked as he slipped on a pair of faded cutoffs.

The old man bowed before looking up, "The human is in heat."

That certainly caught Axel's attention, "In heat?"

"Yes, sir. We didn't think it was wise to let him perform his duties today, for he is very. . .wanton and is a threat to the other humans."

Axel blinked and a wicked idea crossed his mind. there was no way he was going to pass up this up. His little cuter then fuck, blond haired blue eyed human in heat. He dismissed the other neko from his presence and went out in search of a hornier then hell Roxas. It didn't take long at all to find him. After all, this wasn't the first servant that Axel's family had that had gone into heat, and it more then likely wouldn't be the last. There was a small room off the main servant sleeping quarters that was reserved for keeping humans in heat away from the others to prevent injury or pregnancy. Axel bribed the guard that kept that key into giving it to him with the promise of a few extra gold pieces in his next pay.

Slipping the key into the lock it barely made a sound as the tumblers turned and the door opened. Axel placed the key into his pocket and slipped inside. It was very dim in the small room but Axel's feline eyes adjusted quickly. Roxas was laying on the floor near the far corner, panting. Taking small steps forward he was assaulted with the unmistakable pheromones of a male human in heat. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up as his body started reacting. Roxas made a sensual moan and came up off the floor on all fours. He was nude and his member stood erect in a pale thatch of hair as he crawled across the floor.

Axel swallowed hard as he watched the sensual roll of Roxas' hips as he crossed the floor and came to rest in front of Axel. Roxas' tongue darted out to lick his dry lips as he placed his hand on Axel's thighs, rubbing enticingly at the edge of the shorts.

"Please," he whispered. "Please, fuck me." he leaded forward and rubbed his face over Axel's crotch.

Axel was one that prided himself on his control in situations like this, but the sight if his little Roxas so wanton was too much. With their eyes locked Roxas leaned forward and mouthed the cloth covered outline of Axel's erection. That was all it took for Axel's control to snap as he dropped to his knees, fumbling at the button on his jeans shorts. Roxas turned around and presented Axel with his ass, all the while making pleading moans that stripped down Axel resolve all the more. Growling at how much Roxas' scent was making him lose control of his fine motor skills, Axel popped the button on the garment.

Finally, Axel had himself free and he spit into his hand, rubbing it over himself and Roxas' hole before guiding the head of his cock to the opening. He pushed against the tight ring of muscle as Roxas made another round of moans. Pulling back slightly, he rubbed the head around the hole before pressing again, the tip of his penis slipping inside. Roxas gave a shout and pushed himself back, trying to get as much of that long hard cock inside himself as he could. Axel bit his lip as he pressed and Roxas pushed back until all of him was sheathed inside that tight hotness. Making noises in the back of his throat Roxas started moving, fucking himself on Axel's cock. Axel grit his teeth and took hold of Roxas' hips and began thrusting.

Spurred on by Roxas' moans Axel snapped his hips against the smaller's bottom, pushing him forward onto his forearms, leaving him helpless to the assault that Axel had on him. Roxas cried out, too over come to do anything but submit. Axel was in a daze, he swore he had never felt anything so good in his entire life. Breathing hard he pulled Roxas tighter against him and thrust harder, forcing screaming from the boy's throat.

"Axel! P-please. . .I'm so close. . .more. . ._please_!"

Growling Axel leaned forward and bit into the skin at the back of Roxas' neck. Holding him in place as he took hold of the other's member and began to stroke him. Roxas went wild, tearing himself from Axel mouth and screaming his pleasure as he came hard into Axel's waiting hand. Axel himself wasn't far behind as he pumped into Roxas's spasming body a few more times before stilling, spilling his seed into his willing body.

Axel collapsed onto his side, panting hard and smiling. Of all the crazy ideas he had ever had, this had to be the best of them. He didn't know why he didn't think to fuck a human in heat before this. As he was lying there gathering himself, Roxas had recovered and was climbing on top of him. Axel looked down lazily to see those amazing cerulean eyes looking up at him.

"More, " Roxas whispered kissing along Axel's collarbone.

Axel grinned and wrapped his arms around Roxas' body, rolling him to the floor. Oh, yes. This was the best idea he had ever had.

~O~

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><p>Rox3l: So, yeah. I know humans don't go into heat. I also know it's only females that do go into heat. This was just for fun. ^^<p> 


	5. Pictures of You Part 2

~O~

Roxas sat wedged in the small space between the bed and the nightstand, his knees were drawn tightly to his chest and his arms hugged himself tightly. Salt clung to his skin from the tears drying on his face. He felt numb inside, like nothing that had happened in the last hour had really happened. He wished that it hadn't. He wished that he had never found out about Axel sick obsession, or the violation that had been done to him. His stomach turned at the thought. Axel had touched him, intimately. Had photographed it. He let out a painful sob as a stab of betrayal shot through his heart. His stomach, which had been churning for the last 15 minutes made a painful clench and lurched. He gagged a few times before making a desperate dash to the washroom.

He barely had time to throw the door open and dive for the toilet before he was heaving and coughing up the contents of his stomach. When the spasms slowed and seemed to be over he laid his cheek against the coolness of the seat. His throat burned and tears were blurring his vision. Another sob tore its way out of his chest. Axel had been safe. He had clearly been in the box of 'friend' and had never pushed the boundaries. Not even when Roxas had told Axel that he found men attractive. He'd known that Axel was gay, but since he had never seemed interested, never making a move out of the friendship zone, Roxas had counted him as safe.

But not anymore. He couldn't believe how upset this had made him, how destroyed he felt over what Axel had done. He felt like a hole had been punched through his chest. A soft knock at the door made him make a frightened 'eep' and stare at the paneled wood with wide terrified eyes.

"Hey, I know you probably don't want to see me but I just wanted to make sure you are okay. . .I heard you throwing up. . ."

The sound of Axel's voice made his heart contract painfully. He tried to stand but found that his legs wouldn't support him. Clearing his throat a few times he spit blood into the toilet before crawling over to the sink and pulling himself up.

"I'm fine," he called hoarsely.

He heard Axel hesitate, "I wasn't going to do anything, Rox. I thought you knew me better then that."

"Yeah. . ." Roxas called. "I thought I did too."

Axel pushed the door open and glared at Roxas, hurt and disbelief etched into his face. "Okay, look. I know what I did was really terrible and I'm sick and twisted for doing it and I'll probably spend the rest of my life regretting it and when I die I'll go to hell and spend the rest of forever regretting it. But, Rox. Seriously, I love you."

"And do you think that that makes everything you did to me okay?" Roxas shrieked, gripping the sides of the sink until his knuckles turned white.

Axel took in a breath and held it for a moment before letting it out. "I don't know. . .I just. . .what I did was stupid. . . And I want you to know that I am so sorry."

Roxas looked up at himself in the mirror. He looked ashen, like someone had taken all the color out of his skin. "And what if I did forgive you? What then? We just pretend this never happened? We go back to being friends?" He shook his head, "I can't do that." His voice was pleading and Axel could hear the fight going out of him.

Axel was quiet in for a long moment then said, "Let me make love to you."

Roxas choked on his own spit and spun around to stare at Axel, "Excuse you?"

"Let me make love to you," Axel repeated.

"You're fucked in the head!" Roxas shouted slamming his hands on the bathroom counter. "What, in your right mind would ever think that I would say 'yes'?"

Axel's jade eyes all but glowed in the dim light of the bathroom, "Because you love me too."

Roxas froze and just stared at him, his mind trying to process what had just been said. Axel continued not giving Roxas the time to recover and his resolve to come back.

"If you didn't care about me you wouldn't be trying to figure out how to fix our relationship right now. You wouldn't be so hurt. If you didn't love me, you would have kicked my ass the second you found out and would be gone by now."

Roxas turned to get away not wanting to hear what Axel was saying -afraid it was true- but Axel caught his arm and rode his body to the floor. Roxas grunted as the air was knocked from his lungs, and tried to get his arms and legs under him to get away. Unfortunately for him, Axel out weighted him by at least 20 pounds and had been on the wrestling team in high school. He scrambled and screamed as Axel kept him from getting a good enough hold to try and push himself up. Panting, tears leaking from his tightly closed eyes Roxas sagged defeated against the floor. Pressing his hot cheek against the cold linoleum of the bathroom floor.

Axel shifted loosening his hold and kissed the back of Roxas' neck making him shiver. Coming up onto his knees Axel gave Roxas enough room to roll onto his back, then dropped his weight back down on him. A sob caught in Roxas' throat as Axel's groin pressed against his. He was defiantly happy to be there.

"Shhhhh," Axel soothed. Running his hand down the side of Roxas' body. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Please," Roxas whispered as Axel unbuttoned his pants. "Don't do this Axel."

Axel ignored him and pulled Roxas' pants down before undoing his own, letting his erection spring free. Roxas eyed him and bit his lip, Axel was huge and the thought of all that hardness made him shudder. Axel gave Roxas a little smile and repositioned them so that Roxas' leg were laying limply around his hips. He then rubbed himself against Roxas' semi hard shaft. Roxas jerked at the contact, his heart rate speeding up. This was farther then he had ever gone with Namine, even with having been going out for two years. Rearing up onto his knees Axel took Roxas in his hand and began to stroke the hardening member. Roxas -who had never so much as touched himself before- forgot where he was for a moment and just enjoyed the feeling of Axel's hands on him.

Then realization hit him, of who he was with and what was going on and he kicked out at Axel trying to scramble to his hands and knees. His foot connected with Axel stomach, making him lose his balance and knocking the breath from his lungs for a moment before he was on top of Roxas, once again pinning him to the floor. Roxas screamed and beat his fists against the cold tile of the floor.

"Rox, calm down," Axel whispered against the back of Roxas' head.

Roxas sobbed against the floor and continued to struggle, "Stop it Axel, please. I am begging you. Don't do this."

"I want you, Roxas. I've wanted you since the day we met. But I didn't know how to approach the subject, even when you told me about you being Bi, I still didn't know how to tell you that I liked you. So I started taking the pictures. At first I don't know what possessed me to do it, but then I realized that it was like I had my own little piece of you. One that no one else had. And I was content with that for a while but then I wanted to know what you felt like. How your cock would feel in my hand. And it just happened that the next time I went to take your picture you were naked and had an erection. I couldn't help myself. And now I am about to lose you forever and all I can think of is that I want to know what it feels like to be inside you. To have you in that way, a way no one else has ever had you."

He suddenly pulled Roxas against him and hugged him fiercely, "I have loved you forever. But if you want me to leave, I will. I never meant to hurt you this way. . ."

Tears welled in Roxas' eyes as Axel knelt there on the bathroom floor of their small college apartment and just held him. "God damn it," Roxas whispered through a choked throat. He couldn't imagine his life without Axel in it. Even with everything that had happened, Axel was a major part of what made Roxas' life great. "Why does the thought of losing you hurt so fucking much?"

Axel gave a bark of laughter and shrugged sliding off of Roxas and sitting on the floor next to him.

Roxas rolled over and looked up at Axel, "Do me a favor?" He whispered.

"Anything," Axel replied.

"Get rid of that album."

A stillness settled over Axel, "Does that mean you will stay?"

Roxas nodded. He was still feeling very hurt that Axel had invaded his privacy like he had, but he realized that he was will to forgive him, in time. He really couldn't imagine his life without Axel.

~O~

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><p>Rox3l: So, this turned out waaaaay different then I had planned it originally. It was way, way darker. But I figured that with the way this story is I wanted it to be more fluffy and that I could do dark and twisted in another short story.<p>

And for those of you who wanted smexy timez, don't worry. I will more then likely do another chapter to this of their first time together. I have something else I'm working on for this 'series' right now then after that I am probably going to do part 3 of this one. Happy reading!


	6. Maybe Next Time

Rox3l: Okay! So there is major **abuse** and **rape** in this story. Please **do not** read if either of those situations bother you.

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><p>~O~<p>

Roxas stood in front of the full length mirror hanging on the back of the bathroom door and winced. Taking a deep breath he steeled himself for what he was about to see and slowly lifted his eyes to his reflection. It didn't look as bad as it felt. The skin around his right eye was puffy and swollen. A dark purple and black bruise sat like an ink blot against his left cheek. Another covered the right side of his jaw. His chest was covered by more deep bruising and he was sure at least one, if not two of his ribs were broken. Carefully he turned around to look at the damage to his back. He had far more bruising here, from curling into a ball as Axel hit and kicked at him. His eyes filled up with tears at the sight of the scars. . .

They were long lines of scar tissue, 22 of them. Received by a whipping for telling Axel he'd been wrong about something. Roxas never raised his voice at Axel again after that. The fever caused by the wounds trying to heal had almost killed him. Turning back around he picked out other scarring along his body, remembering each beating it had come from. The scar at his collarbone had been from a sarcastic comment. The one on his leg had been from him not doing something exactly like Axel had told him to. The one just above his belly button was from Axel just having a bad day at work and taking it out on him.

Sighing, he turned away and moved to the counter and opened one of the small drawers. It was full of make-up. He reached in and pulled out a bottle of concealer and a couple of cotton balls. After pouring a decent amount onto the cotton, he started the process of covering the blemishes. After a few minutes he stood straight, the bruises were almost invisible. He then cleaned up the counter and put the bottles away. Taking a breath he went for the bathroom door. The hallway was empty so he made his way to the bedroom to dress the down the stairs to the kitchen. Axel was sitting at the kitchen table, his long fingers wrapped around a white mug that was filled to the rim with coffee.

Axel looked up at Roxas as he entered the kitchen and guilt immediately filled his eyes. He pushed away from the table and went to his boyfriend. Taking him into his arms he whispered that he was sorry. Roxas stood there silently and let Axel coddle him. It was always this way. A fight would turn violent then the next morning Axel was hovering over him with apologies and 'I love you's. It was always the same. Roxas would believe Axel when he said it would never happen again, only 'never' never came. Last time was always 'the last time'. It was a vicious cycle and Roxas didn't know how to get out. He was slowly drowning, losing who he was to the abuse.

He was scared to go out. Scared to talk to his friends. Even scared to talk to his own family. Axel had him completely cut off from the world. He was just glad that he was unable to get pregnant. He knew that Axel would have used that little bundle to keep him locked away forever.

"Hey, I got you something." Axel said brightly.

Roxas stayed silent. He knew this was just another turn in the cycle. After the apologies came the presents. Axel would get him clothing, jewelery, CDs, DVDs. He bought him a laptop after the whipping. The more severe the beating had been the more expensive the gift Axel would present him.

Axel handed him a small box. When Roxas opened it he saw that it was a Keyblade pendant on a long silver chain. He smiled softly, it was a beautiful piece. He then looked up at Axel and brightened. Axel smiled himself and hugged Roxas again placing a kiss on his forehead, whispering that he loved him. Roxas closed his eyes and reveled in the affection. Maybe this time truly would be different. . .

-Two weeks later-

Roxas was sitting in the living room with his legs curled under him while he browsed the internet on his laptop. It was nearly 2 am and Axel was still not home. It wasn't uncommon for Axel to go out with his friends after work and not call or text for hours to let Roxas know where he was. More often then not he didn't call at all. Sighing Roxas closed the laptop and rubbed his forehead where a headache was forming. He then pulled himself up and trudged up the stairs to the bedroom.

At quarter of 4 Axel stumbled up those same stairs and pushed the door to the bedroom open. Roxas was sleep peacefully under the covers. Axel smiled at him and began stripping off his clothes. He then slipped into the bed, pulling Roxas against him as he worked on the ties of his pajama pants. Roxas stirred after another moment as Axel yank the clothing down, starting to plant kisses along Roxas' neck. Roxas made a small aggravated noise and tried to push Axel away, but he just came back and resumed what he was doing.

Axel's hand then slipped down to kneed and play with his flaccid member. Roxas made another, louder noises and again tried to push Axel away. He was unaffected so Roxas rolled over, putting his back to Axel. Axel just moved up flush against him and his hand returned to Roxas' sex. Roxas let out a irritated sigh and tried to nudge away.

"Not tonight, Axel."

Axel paused, "What?"

Roxas closed his eyes and nuzzled into his pillow, "I said not tonight. 'm tired."

Roxas felt Axel retreat and for a second he thought that he had won the argument. The next thing he knew a terrible pain exploded in the side of his head. Dazed he rolled onto his back to see Axel's hand curled into a fist and coming down for a second blow. He turned away just as the punch connected with his cheek. He let out a squeak of pain and blood filled his mouth. Axel then grabbed him by the hair causing his to cry out, and threw him to the floor. Before he knew it Axel was on top of him and he realized that he was still aroused. Roxas' heart sped.

"How dare you tell me 'no.' Wha's the matter, too worn ou' 'cause you've been fuckin' other people? Huh? Is that it? You slut! You're a disgustin' whore." Axel muttered in Roxas' ear making him make a small sound of hurt. He then reached for the nightstand drawer and fumbled around for a second before retrieving the bottle of lube. Realizing what Axel was after Roxas tried to get his arm and legs under him to try and get away, but Axel had him pinned to the floor firmly and was so much bigger then he was. . .

"Axel, please. . ." Roxas whispered tear filling his eyes.

Axel in his drunken stupor backhanded him, "What? Are you beggin' for it now? Did yooou beg for 'em too?" He slurred.

Roxas shook his head and scrambled against the floor as Axel took hold of his hips and guided his member in between his cheeks. Roxas screamed, fighting to try and get away. That was when Axel took hold of his hair and slammed his head into the floor. Roxas slumped, his vision going white edged and swimming. He could feel Axel pushing against his entrance but he was so disoriented he could make his brain tell his body to try and get away.

Axel held himself just under the head of his penis and pushed against the ring of muscle. His fogged brain could only concentrate on knowing how good it was going to feel once he was inside Roxas. Nothing else mattered. He pumped his hips a few more time and felt the ring of muscle start to give. He pushed harshly and the head of his cock slipped inside. Roxas screamed in pure agony, his entire body cording. He clawed at the hardwood floor his nails breaking and bleeding but still he screamed. The pain was unimaginable. After what seemed like forever but was really less then a minute the pain started to subside and Axel began to move.

He thrust roughly, not caring that it caused Roxas to make pitiful sobs. It felt amazing, hot and tight. He gripped Roxas' hips and pulled him to his knees. Roxas was in a daze. This wasn't happening. He was somewhere else, anywhere else. There was no way that he was here, on the floor of his bedroom, being raped by his own boyfriend. It just wasn't possible. . .was it? Could it really have gotten to this point? Was Roxas really willing to give Axel this part of himself as well? He sobbed, the tears falling in streams down his cheeks.

"Stop. Oh, please Axel! Please, Stop."

But his pleas fell on deaf ears, as Axel continued to thrust into him roughly. He could feel the movement of Axel against him becoming more erratic, he was starting to lose the smooth in, out pace he had set. Roxas sobbed again glad that he was finishing quickly and that this humiliation was almost over. Axel was panting harshly in his ear and after several more thrusts he pushing in as far as he could go and stilled, spilling his seed as deep inside Roxas' body as he could. Roxas was breathing shallowly and waited for Axel to pull out. After a few seconds, to Roxas' horror Axel started to get hard again.

The assault went on for over and hour. After Axel had raped him, he forced him to perform oral sex, then raped him again. During the second rape was when Roxas' concussion won and he blacked out. When he woke he was dressed, cleaned, and in bed. The digital clock on the nightstand read 3:34 PM. Blinking he sat up slowly and winced at the pain in his bottom. His stomach knotted and he held his knees to his chest. Axel had raped him. Tears filled his eyes and he pressed his face against his kneecaps and cried. He felt empty and broken.

After 10 minutes of crying Roxas figured it was probably time to get up and see if there were and bruises he was going to need to hide. Slowly, he made his way to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Besides his eyes being red and puffy from crying, the left side of his cheek was blue and purple. Without a second thought he reached for the drawer and began applying his make-up. When he was done he went downstairs. Axel was on the couch watching TV. When he saw Roxas he reached and turned the volume down before getting up and folding his arms around Roxas.

"I'm so, so sorry baby. I was drunk. I didn't mean it. . ."

Roxas nodded against Axel chest and wrapped his arms around his thin frame. He didn't know how to feel.

"Hey," Axel whispered. "I got tickets to go see Organization XIII next week. It cost me an arm and a leg to get them, but their your favorite band, right?"

The prospect of going to see his all time favorite band made the horror of what had happened last night fade around the edges and Roxas hugged Axel more tightly. Maybe this time truly would be different. . .

~O~

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><p>Rox: So, I hope you all liked. . .er. . .I don't think that is the word I want to go with on this one. I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I understand the mentality (or at least I think I do). I hope this was believable. So, this originally didn't have rape in it, but I threw it in here because Pictures was supposed to go that way, but I changed it. So I was really mean to Roxas in this.<p>

On a side note, I don't know how many of you have had experience with anal sex, but being entered without proper prep is quite literally what comes to mind when you say 'unimaginable pain.' And only someone who has experienced it would understand.

See you guys next time. :D


	7. Maybe Next Time Part 2

Rox3l: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I was actually very concerned on how it was going to go over seeing as abuse is such a taboo topic. I would expecially like to thank **TheAnnoyingVoice**. Honestly when I first saw how long your review was I was pretty sure it was going to be a flame about my stories being too morbid. (I have actually had someone review a fic of mine -this was years ago- and tell me that I am a sick person and need help). I'm a dark and twisty person, and I like to write it. Anyhoo, at the request I am adding another part to Maybe Next Time. It was suggested that I maybe write Axel's side of the story, but really I am not good at getting into his head. Nonetheless I hope you like what happens.

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><p>~O~<p>

Roxas sat on the foot of the bed he and Axel shared in a daze. His older brother Sora was sitting on the bed beside him. "Are you sure that's what you saw?"

Sora put his hand on Roxas' shoulder and rubbed it in as comforting a manner as he could, "Yes, I swear to you that I would never lie to you about something like this."

With tear filled eyes he looked at his brother, "I know you wouldn't. I just can't believe he would cheat on me. . ."

With his heart aching the brunette wrapped an arm around Roxas, "You're going to hate me for saying this but, I'm glad this happened. I'm glad he cheated on you."

Outraged Roxas pulled away from him, "What are you saying?"

Sora looked at him with determination, "Now you can leave him. After all the hell that he has put you through, you should take this chance to escape."

Roxas' rage grew and he stood from the bed pacing to the middle of the room, "How could you think that I would leave Axel after we have been together for seven years? Seven _years, _Sora. That's nine times longer then you have even known Riku. You just don't understand us."

Getting angry himself Sora stood also, "Don't insult me Roxas. I know what he does to you. I've seen the bruises and I don't believe the bullshit lies that you feed everyone else." He came forward and took hold of Roxas' arms. "I've seen the scars," He whispered.

Roxas shook his head and sagged in defeat, "He didn't mean to. . ." He began pathetically.

"Don't defend him!" Sora shouted. "You have dozens of scars because of him and I couldn't even begin to fathom the number of bruises you have probably hidden from everyone. . ." He suddenly let Roxas go and backed away, realization dawning on his features. "You didn't fall down those stairs last year. . .did you?"

Roxas fell to his knees on the floor and shook his head, covering his face with his hands. Not long after Axel had taken him to see Organization XIII Roxas had had a lazy day and didn't clean the kitchen before Axel got home. Axel went into a rage about how he worked his ass off all day so Roxas wouldn't have to work and he wanted to be able to come home to a clean house. He had dragged Roxas out of the bedroom by his arm and thrown him down the stairs. Roxas ended up in the hospital with a concussion, two broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder.

Sora, who was breathing harshly with anger took a steadying breath, "I want to hear you say it Roxas."

Tears leaked down Roxas' face as his hands fell and he stared at the carpeted floor. Axel had taken him on a weekend vacation after he had recovered. It had been so nice, Axel had been the old Axel. The one Roxas had fallen in love with during high school, but that hadn't lasted long. "Sora, please. . ." He begged.

"Say it, Roxas! I want to hear you admit it."

Taking a shaking breath Roxas summoned all the strength that he could and looked up at his brother, "Axel threw me down those stairs."

The look that crossed Sora's face was one that Roxas could not describe as anything other then pure horror. "Oh, Roxas. Why. . .?"

"I love him," Roxas sobbed brokenly. "We have been together for so long, and have been through so much. He has always been the one person that I can rely on."

"Because he's forced you to push everyone else away!" Sora cried. "He's always been controlling and possessive of you. He's already put you in the hospital, what happens next time? He could _kill_ you, Rox."

"He wouldn't. . ." Roxas argued meekly.

"He could," Sora countered pulling out his cell phone turning away from Roxas as he dialed Riku's number. "Hey hun, it's me. I need you to come over to Roxas' right now."

Sora could hear his boyfriend's confusion over the line. "Now, why?"

Glancing back at his falling brother he whispered, "Roxas told me that Axel's been hurting him."

He heard Riku swear, "I'll be right there."

After he closed the phone he went over to the closet and got Roxas' black suitcase. He then went over to the dresser and began pulling things out of it. "What are you doing?" He heard Roxas ask over his shoulder.

"I'm packing your stuff. You've leaving Axel and coming to stay with me and Riku."

"No," Roxas denied. "I'm not going anywhere. Axel is my boyfriend and cheating or not I love him. I'm not leaving."

Sora stared at him in disbelief, "Jesus Roxas. What the hell has happened to you? The Roxas that I knew would never allow someone to walk all over him like this. He would never put up with, let alone defend, someone that was abusing him."

More tears slipped down Roxas' reddened cheeks. "I love him," He murmured again but there was no heart in the words. No actually feelings. No, the Roxas that had meant those words had died a long time ago, he just never admitted it.

The front door slammed and the both of them jumped. Roxas' eyes shot to the clock on the nightstand. It was quarter past 6 o'clock; Axel was home from work. Desperately he dashed to Sora's side and urged his brother to leave. Sora refused, whispering to him that he wasn't going anywhere without him. The door to the bedroom opened and Axel stood in the doorway. A look of surprise flashed across his face to see Sora standing there, then his eyes fell on the half full suitcase and his eyes darkened.

"What's going on?" He asked in a barely restrained voice.

Sora squared his shoulders, pushing past Roxas and facing Axel. "I saw you at Envy the other night all over another blond. I came over to tell Roxas and he told me what you've been doing to him. He's leaving, Riku is on his way to come pick us up."

Axel snorted, "He's not going anywhere. Are you, Roxas?"

Roxas just stared at him, images of Axel with someone else filling his mind. With pain in his voice he whispered, "Why did you cheat on me?"

Axel threw his hands up in anger, "Really? You are_ really_ going to ask me that? You haven't let me touch you since the incident."

The hurt and betrayal became took much for Roxas to bare, "You raped me!" he shouted. "It wasn't an 'incident'. It was rape."

Sora made a small noise and whipped around to stare at Roxas in disbelief. Axel's arms came down and stood there with a look on his face that Roxas knew wasn't good. He crossed the room and upended the suitcase. All of Roxas' clothes fell out onto the floor. "You're not going anywhere," He warned in a low voice.

With a bravery that Roxas thought he had lost years ago he faced Axel, his blue eyes blazing with unshed tears. "We're over."

Axel squared his jaw and watched Roxas with narrow eyes, "What did you say to me?"

"We're over," Roxas repeated. "I'm leaving and I am never coming back."

Axel stood there for a moment, scoffed and before anyone could move he lunged at Roxas hitting the smaller man across the face. Roxas went down hard with Axel following. Sora screamed but was frozen in place not knowing what to do as Axel hit his brother over and over again. Roxas tired to shield his face but Axel was pinning one of his shoulders to the floor and landing punch after punch. Roxas turned his head to try and protect his nose and eyes and that was when he saw the engraved pocket knife that Axel had given him on their second anniversary. He stopped trying to protect himself and reached for the knife.

His fingers curled around the folded blade and relief filled him. As soon as he had the knife in his hand he flicked his wrist and immediately the blade flashed out. He had spent hours flicking the blade, he could do it in his sleep. Screaming he jabbed the knife into Axel's bicep. Axel cried out at the sudden pain and jump up off of Roxas.

"Fuck!" He screamed. "You fucking stabbed me," Axel cried.

Sitting up slowly, painfully Roxas kept the knife pointed at Axel. "You are never going to touch me again." He said spitting blood onto the carpet. His left eye was starting to swell but he didn't care. "Sora, can you please pack my stuff?"

The brunette, who had been rooted to the spot, obeyed. Picking up the suitcase and stuffing as much of Roxas' stuff into it as he could as fast as he could. Roxas watched him do this out of the corner of his eye. When the bag was packed him and Roxas moved around Axel who was clutching at his arm to try and stop the bleeding.

Roxas stood in the doorway of what had once been him and Axel's bedroom. "If you ever come near me again, I am going to the cops and telling them everything you've ever done to me." He watched realization flash across Axel's face that this was really it. He had gone too far.

"Goodbye, Axel." Roxas whispered with finality.

With that he shut the door and turned and walked down the hallway, down the stairs, and out of the house he had once called home.

~O~

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><p>Rox3l: Okay, so you guy have gotten a miracle and this much updating in such a short space of time will probably never happen again. But I really liked What I came up with for the second part of this and I ran with it. I hope you all liked it. I decided that after such a long time of darkness Roxas needed some light. Let me know what you thought?<p> 


	8. Seven Days of Hell

-Day One-

Roxas twisted and pulled against the rough rope that was binding him to the bed. The left side of his hair was caked with dried blood from the blow that had knocked him unconscious. Allowing his captor to kidnap him. His heart was beating like wild against his ribcage and he was sure at any moment it was going to pop free. That, or he was going to have a heart attack. He prayed for the latter. It had been a normal weekday, a Tuesday in fact, he'd gone to class and was on his way back to the apartment when a man stopped him outside of the complex asking for directions. Roxas, being one to never turn away someone in need of help took the map from the man and turned away to look down the street for a moment. That was all it had took. There had been a sudden intense pain in the side of his head and he fell to the pavement before blackness had eaten away his vision.

He sagged in frustration, panting, tears welling in his eyes. Axel must have been so worried by now. He and and the redhead had been going out for a little over a year now and shared an apartment together. They had had plans to go out for dinner together that evening. He couldn't imagine what must have been going through the other man's mind about now. Thinking about Axel made Roxas' Fight response kick in and he calmed himself as much as he could and took in the room he was being kept in. There wasn't much. Just a bed with a nightstand, a lamp sitting on top, and an old fashioned looking clock on the wall. The rest of the room was bare.

He stared at the clock for two hours, until it read 10:15. He'd been missing for about seven hours now. Was anyone looking for him? Was Axel? Did anyone even know he was in trouble? What if they didn't? What if everyone just figured that he was off on one of his little vendettas where he disappeared for days on end. It was perfectly logical for his sister, Namine to tell Axel that he did this all the time when they were kids and that he would come back when he was ready. That meant no one would start looking for him for days, at least. He silently cursed how much of a self absorbed dick he had been when he was in high school.

The sound of a key in a lock (that Roxas was sure was on the other side of the door) made him go even more still. The door was pushed open and a handsome long white haired, tanned skinned man stepped into the room. Roxas' mind couldn't correlate that this was his kidnapper. Weren't kidnapper's supposed to ugly sleazeballs that creeped around schools in vans? Looking at the finely dressed man in front of him, he was sure that this man was definitely not someone who drove a white van. Without saying a word to his captive he moved to the side of the bed and produced a large pair of scissors with his right hand. Roxas' heart sped again as he eyed the dual blades.

"Don't move," came the smooth tones of his voice. It made Roxas shiver.

He then began to cut the fabric off of Roxas' body. First sliding the scissors along the outside of but his legs, then up along his ribs and shoulders. When he had cut the outline of the boy's body he set the scissors on the nightstand and began tugging the cloth from under Roxas. When he was nude the man stood back and admired the flawless pale skin. He smiled and knelt on the bed so he could whisper in Rox's ear. "Sleep tight little one. Tomorrow we are going to play."

Terrified Roxas watched him go, hearing the lock click back into place outside the door.

-Day Two-

Roxas woke up at 7:45, he was cold and scared. He then watched the clock like it was his lifeline. Sure any second that man was going to come back and do terrible things to him. For four hours he watched the clock like it was going to disappear if he looked away. At a little past eleven the door opened again. The man came into the room and Roxas shut his eyes, he didn't want to see what was going to happen to him.

"Don't do that. I want to see those pretty blue eyes."

Roxas felt the bed dip as his kidnapper crawled onto the mattress. He then laid on top of him, his weight pressing the smaller into the bed. Roxas whimpered as he felt light kisses along the side of his face. "I have so many wonderful plans for you."

He felt the man retreat and cracked his eyes open just a bit, what he saw made him squeeze his eyes shut all the tighter. The man had a video camera set up at the side of the bed. He heard a few more noises he didn't want to know what they were before there were footsteps coming back to the bed and he was hit hard across the cheek. His eyes popped open.

"I want you to keep your eyes open the entire time. If you don't, you'll regret it." He put pressure on Roxas' already stressed arm joint.

Scared, Roxas nodded.

"My name is Ansem." he said as he moved to the foot of the bed and removed the ankle cuffs. Roxas immediately curled his legs up to try and cover himself from the cameras view. Ansem chuckled at him. "Don't worry. You're boyfriend is going to see everything."

Roxas' heart stuttered, ". . .What?"

Smiling, Ansem pulled open the nightstand drawer and removed a few things before closing it and climbing onto the bed. "This is a live feed. He's going to watch as another man fucks you in the ass."

"Please, don't." Axel had been the only man that he had ever had sex with and the dual humiliation of being raped and then his boyfriend watching it would be too much. "Please. . ."

Ansem was setting what he had taken from the draw in a neat line next to him, he didn't even look up as he replied; "It's already streaming," He glanced over to the laptop that was sitting on the floor next to the camera. "We already have three hundred and nine people watching."

Roxas shook his head, tears coming to his eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?" He cried.

Ansem smirked but said nothing, taking a hold of Roxas' knees and prying them open. Roxas fought. He thrashed and tried to get Ansem out from between his thighs, but the other man was much bigger then he was. And it wasn't long before Ansem was tired of the struggling and he gripped Roxas' balls in his hand. Roxas gave a shout and stilled from the sharp pain.

"If you don't stop fighting I am going to castrate you. Do you understand?"

Starting to sob Roxas nodded, his tears leaking back into his hair. Ansem leaned forward and wiped some of the liquid away. He was extremely please with how this was going. "I want you to beg for your little boyfriend."

Ansem picked up the first thing he was going to use and Roxas' eyes widened. It was an identical pair of nipple clamps to the ones that he an Axel had at home. Roxas turned his face away as Ansem leaned forward and lightly brushed his trimmed nails over his left nipple. The bud hardened in agitation and Ansem clipped the first clamp onto it. Roxas threw his head back and his body jerked as the teeth bit into the sensitive flesh. Ansem then moved to his other nipple and teased it into hardness before added the second clamp. He then took hold of the chain that connected them and gave it a tug. Roxas arched and moaned, face burning with shame at his reaction. Ansem grinned and gave the chain a slightly harder yank and Roxas moaned again, his member starting to harden.

"If you are wondering if it's a coincidence that I know you love to have your nipples tortured; it's not. You can thank Axel's big mouth for this and a few other things I am going to be doing to you. He always did like to brag about his sex life around the office."

Roxas stared at him his blue eyes were wide, "You know Axel?"

Ansem chuckled and shook his head, "That little shit cost me the best job I've ever had. Now because of him I can't get hired anywhere. He should of kept his nose out of it."

Roxas then realized that this had to be one of the higher ups that Axel had reported were laundering money from the company, because of that report six people had lost their jobs. Ansem had been part of that, and now he was taking his revenge on Axel through him. He felt sick. Ansem then picked up a red silicone band. Roxas was confused at first as to what it was but when Ansem brought it to balls and slipped them threw he realized what it was. Ge grit his teeth as Ansem slipped his partly hard cock into the cock ring and secured it snugly at the base. He then took hold of Roxas' penis and start to kneed it. Roxas jerked as if lightening has shot through him. He stared helplessly into the lens of the camera and moaned.

Ansem brought him to full hardness and left him like that, picking up the bottle of lube and squiring some onto his fingers. He pushed Roxas' legs open and circled the ring of muscle once before pressing his finger inside. Roxas cried out and tensed, his stomach churning at the knowledge that this was a stranger touching him in the most intimate of places. Ansem moved his finger in and out a couple times before adding a second and not long after that a third. When he was satisfied with how much he had prepped the smaller he reared up onto his knees and undid his pants, letting his erection spring free. Roxas stared down the length of his body at Ansem. His cock as a few shades lighter then the rest of his skin, and he was huge. He was about the same length as Axel but he was wider. Roxas was at the point he was about to hyperventilate from the thought of that inside him.

Taking hold of his cock with one hand he pushed Roxas' knee closer to his chest and pressed against his opening. Roxas screamed as Ansem pressed and his stretched hole opened to him. Allowing him to slip inside. Roxas' eyes flew to the camera and he cried Axel's name as he was impaled on Ansem's impressive size. His blue eyes were red and more tears were forming as he was forced to take all of the other man into his body.

When Ansem could go no further he leaned down to whisper in Roxas' ear. "How does it feel to have another man inside you? Can you feel how hard my cock is in your ass?"

Roxas made a choked sound and Ansem started to thrust into him. He felt like he was going to be split in two. He cried out when Ansem pushed back inside and yanked on his trapped wrists. Around what Roxas thought was the eighth thrust blood started to run down his wrists because he was pulling at the ropes so hard. Someone was making low gasping whimpers and it took him a moment realize it was him. Ansem was thrusting way to fast and hard for someone his size. He could feel the burning of being stretched further then his body was comfortable with. His eyes fell back to the camera and he stared at it lifelessly.

"Please, "He begged, knowing that it was what Ansem wanted but he couldn't help himself. "Axel. . .please. . .please help. . .help me. . .oh, God it hurts. Axel please! It hurts so much. Please. . .please help me. . ."

"That's it," Ansem panted, the sound of skin on skin making Roxas' stomach churn. "Cry for him."

As he begged into the camera Roxas wondered if the police could track Ansem's IP address and find him. He wasn't very tech savvy, but he did know that an IP address was as traceable as your phone number. Then again, he also knew that people who broadcasted illegal material often used dozens of proxy servers which were almost impossible to trace. His friend Demyx did it when he would stream live concerts. This didn't seem like the first time Ansem had done something like this, so Roxas was betting he had his laptop all tricked out to avoid the police. Ansem suddenly took hold of the chain on his chest and yanked, causing Roxas to arch and cry out, bringing his mind back to the here and now.

Ansem reared up onto his knees and pull Roxas' lower body up off the bed. Roxas gasped against the brutal thrusting, arching and yanking at his imprisoned wrists again. Panting Roxas felt Ansem's rhythm start to falter and he cried out as Ansem pulled out of him suddenly, letting him drop back to the mattress as he let out a series of grunts and came all over Roxas. the blonde bit his lips in humiliation as he felt the hot droplet fall onto his stomach and chest. Ansem rolled off the side and faced the camera. He looked down at Roxas, "Should we make you come for your boyfriend?"

Roxas stared at him in pure horror, "Please no."

Ansem smirk and went to his knees on the floor beside the bed. The blonde screamed as Ansem made an exaggerated show of taking Roxas into his mouth. "Ax-el, I'm sorry. " He moaned and he turned his face away from the camera.

He threw his head back and thrust into Ansem's mouth, he had been hard and trapped in the cock ring since the beginning of this and as much as it shamed him he couldn't take it anymore. Ansem made an approving hum and looked over Roxas' body at the camera. He kept his eyes focused on it until Roxas arched and spilled his seed into his mouth. He then pulled back and made a show of swallowing what Roxas had given him. He then walked nude to the laptop and ended the transmission.

-Day 3-

Axel sat at his desktop computer, the link had been sent to him yesterday by one of his co-workers who had already called the cops. Axel had been on the phone with them for most of the morning, trying to get more then 'we'll update you when we can' out of the lead detective on the case. So far though, he didn't know anymore then the police did. They had gone to Ansem's last known residence, but it looked like he had moved out of there a long time ago and no one knew where he might be now. The cops said from the look of the video they might have been in a finished basement, but it was hard to tell. They were also still trying to track the signal, but it was hard because it was bouncing to servers from all over the world. The police were hoping that Ansem would start streaming again, then they would have a better chance to find out where they were, but Axel couldn't get the sight of Roxas in the same nipple clamps that has at home being fucked but another guy out of his head.

The black screen on the computer suddenly light up and the form of Roxas on the same bed from yesterday made his heart ache. Before he even realized it his phone was in his hand and he was dialing the detective's cell phone number. He picked up on the second ring and Axel yell at him that the feed was back. the cop told him they had a whole team of people working on trying to find this guy and that for the sake of his sanity he shouldn't watch what was going to happen. Axel scoffed and stared at the screen. Roxas was the one going through this, the least he could do was know what was going on. He watched as Ansem climbed onto the bed and Axel swore under his breath as he watched Ansem lean forward and take Roxas into his mouth. He could make out the colorfully cock ring that was once again around the base of his boyfriends genitals.

He turned his face away for a moment but he could still hear Roxas' labored breaths, they were so familiar and his body started to react to them. His cock filling with blood and lengthening. Angry with himself at the reaction he looked back at the screen and just like yesterday Ansem left Roxas hard, the cock ring preventing him from losing his erection and began to prepare him to be entered. Axel was breathing hard and heat was rushing through his veins. Disgusted with himself he pinched the tip of his cock in an attempt to get his body under control. While he watched Roxas looked at the camera and started begging like he had yesterday. Axel's heart contracted painfully, his emerald eyes filling anger. How dare Ansem do this. If Axel had anything to say about it, Ansem wouldn't live to see trial. He then watched in horror as Ansem brought an impossibly large silicone dildo into view.

"Oh, please no." Axel whispered as Ansem brought the tip of the toy between Roxas' cheeks.

Axel breathing was shallow as Roxas screamed when Ansem pushed the head of the dildo into him. Half the dildo disappeared into his boyfriend's body before Ansem stopped pushing. Roxas was in tears and begging him to take it out. Ansem smile cruelly pulled the toy almost all the way out before thrusting it back in harshly. Roxas screamed. Axel felt like his stomach had turned to lead as he watch Ansem repeat the motion until Roxas started to rock back onto the toy. His erection looking painful and Axel could tell that Ansem was getting off on providing Roxas just this side of enough stimulation but not enough for him to finish. Axel placed a hand over his eyes, it was a game he himself enjoyed playing with Roxas until he couldn't take it and starting begging. Axel prayed to any God that might been listening that that wasn't what Ansem was after.

"Please. . ." He heard Roxas whisper and he had to turn away, couldn't watch as his boyfriend was reduced to begging. "Please let me come. . .please."

He heard the sounds of the dildo being thrust harder coupled with Roxas' kneading moans rising in volume until with a broken cry he knew Roxas had come.

Turning back to the screen he saw Ansem getting up and ending the video. The box went back and he picked back up his cell phone. "Please tell me you got him."

He heard the detective sigh, "No. We didn't, but we will."

-Day Four-

Roxas stared at the headboard, his hands gripping the wood as Ansem took him from behind. He didn't look at the camera this time. Didn't beg for Axel to save him. He knew Axel wasn't going to come for him. There was no way he even knew where he was. He knelt there and imagined that it was Axel making love to him. After what had happened yesterday it was all he could do to get through it. Ansem was a vigorous as he had been the first time, but Roxas' body was beginning to get used to his large size and it was getting easier to accommodate him. throwing his head back he moaned Axel's name imagining his red headed lover leaning over him, kissing his shoulder and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Ansem pulled out breaking the fantasy and Roxas felt him spraying his back with release. Sagging, Roxas hoped it was over but knew it wasn't. Just like the last two days Ansem made a show of making him come. As Ansem stroked him Roxas fell back into the fantasy of being back home with Axel. Having his loving and caring boyfriend in bed with him, making him feel good.

Roxas could feel his orgasm building in his lower belly, and he thought about Axel. His crazy hair, his beautiful jade eyes, his taunt body and his amazing cock. Tensing Roxas whispered Axel's name and his come gushed out over Ansem's waiting hand. The white haired man then brought his hand to Roxas' mouth and told him to lick it clean. Imagining it was his lover asking Roxas' pink tongue darted out and lapped Ansem's palm clean. When he was done Ansem patting him on the buttocks.

-Day Five-

Roxas was starting to loose track of how long he had been Ansem's captive. He knew the time, thanks to the clock on the wall, but he had lost track of the days. He was also exhausted dehydrated, and starving. He wouldn't eat when Ansem would bring him food, rather he would swear and spit at him. Ansem thought the outbursts were hilarious, and would purposely try to hand feed him just to see his outrage. Uncomfortable, Roxas tugged at the collar around his neck. Ansem had had to change his method of binding when he noticed that he wrists were torn to shreds from him trying to pull himself loose. His wrists were now bandaged and a heavy leather collar and chain were keeping him bound to the headboard.

He looked at the clock on the wall and realized that it was almost one in the afternoon and Ansem had yet to come for him. He watched the clock for the rest of the day, swearing that Ansem was going to come in and rape him at any second but he never came. At five the door opened and Ansem stepping inside with a tray of food. Roxas' belly growled loudly and he watch Ansem come forward carefully. He sat down next to Roxas and held the bowl out to him. Warily, Roxas took it, too hungry to put up much, if any of a fight. Ansem watched him eat, and laid a hand on his head. Roxas tensed, but when nothing else happened he continued to eat. When he was done Ansem took the bowl and without saying a thing anything left the room. Roxas wasn't one to complain. A day without Ansem was welcomed. Yawning he curled up on his side as much as his leash would let him and he fell asleep.

-Day Six-

Roxas laid on his back staring at the ceiling, his hand on himself. Ansem was sitting on the bed next to him, directing him. Once again he refused to look at the camera. Pretending he was alone he thrust his hips up into his fist as he jerked hard at himself. Ansem made an approving hum and opened his pants. Roxas' eyes snapped to the other man as he unlocked him from the chain and guided him to the floor between his legs. Roxas looked up at him then down at the cock standing proudly in it's nest of tight curls. "Behave," he heard Ansem whisper.

Closing his eyes he leaned forward and took the head of Ansem's dick into his mouth. He ran the tip pf his tongue over the slit before taking in more of the length, his lips stretched wide around his girth. Ansem closed his eyes and leaned back a bit as Roxas began to bob his head. The blonde licked along the underside of Ansem's length until he got to the head, where he swirled his tongue around it, then sucked it back into his mouth. Roxas was surprised with how easily it was to go down on Ansem. He guessed that the year he had been with Axel had really improved his cock sucking skills. He would have to thanks Axel when he got out of here. His heart squeezed painfully, _if_ he got out of here. He called to mind the first time he had ever given Axel head. It had been a difficult experience. Axel had been at least two inches bigger then anyone he had ever been with. Axel didn't make fun at him for choking, or make a big deal about Roxas not being able to take it all in. Roxas had learned, he got better, and oral sex became one of their favorite things to do together.

Ansem placed his hand on the back of Roxas' head and began to slowly move his hips. Roxas the wrapped his hand around the bottom half of Ansem's length to keep him from choking him in case he decided to thrust up. Pulling back he placed a kiss on the head of Ansem's cock before taking it back into his mouth and bobbing his head, swirling his tongue over as much as the hard salted flesh as he could. He just wanted to get this over with. This had been something that was special between him and Axel and now he felt damaged because in this moment, Roxas never wanted to ever have another man's penis in his mouth again. Axel in the throes of passion suddenly flashed through his mind and he knew, _knew_ that even though it would take sometime to get over this. If he made it out of here, he would never lose his want for his boyfriend. Roxas stilled as Ansem's cock began to pulse and pumped bitter tasting fluid into his mouth.

Ansem caught him by the chin and clamped his hand over Roxas' mouth. "Swallow."

Roxas shook his head and gagged as the bitterness coated more of his taste buds. Ansem's eyes narrowed and he tightened his grip on Roxas' face causing him to wince in pain. "I said swallow."

Tears in his eyes Roxas did as he was told, feeling sick as his mouth tingled in the aftermath of semen. Ansem smiled and took hold of the collar. Roxas fought not to be chained back to the bed but Ansem soon over powered him and locked him in place. Roxas swore at him and kicked him, catching Ansem in the hip sending the other man to the floor. Roxas smirked in triumph as the white haired male collected himself from the floor. When he was on his feet again. He calmly walked to Roxas' side and backhanded the boy across the face. Roxas grunted with pain as his teeth caught the corner of his mouth and started bleeding. "Fuck you," Roxas hissed spitting blood at Ansem.

Ansem shook his head and hit Roxas again, this time with a closed fist. Roxas slumped against the thick wooden headboard, his vision starting to go black around the edges. The last thing he saw was Ansem's nude body standing over him. Then nothing.

-Day Seven-

Axel sat beside one of the officer's desks waiting for someone to come talk to him. He had put his fist through his computer monitor during yesterdays stream so he could no longer do what he had been doing for the last five days, watching and and hoping that this time the tech team would be able to trace the feed that Ansem was streaming. He was a wreck. He hadn't taken a shower, slept, or eaten in the last six days and it showed. He had lost five pounds and since he was already dangerously thin, he was pretty sure he now qualified as anorexic. He was almost delirious with the lack of sleep but he just couldn't. He couldn't do anything until he knew that Roxas was safe again. He swore that if he ever got him back he would never let him go, dammit he was going to marry that boy. Axel hadn't realized before this had happened just how much Roxas meant to him. He wished he had, he would have cherished him everyday.

He stood as Detective Flinn Headed toward him, followed by a barrage of uniformed cops. He smiled at Axel, "We got him. He's five miles outside of the city."

Relief filled every pore of Axel's being, then dread crept in, "Is he streaming?"

Disgust and sorrow filled the other man's eyes and he nodded, "You've already seen too much Axel. Don't torture yourself anymore."

"That's my boyfriend that it's happening to! Because of me. This is all my fault. I have to watch, I have to know what he's going through."

Flinn wasn't happy but he nodded, "The tech team is just back through there, they are keeping an eye on what's happening. You can go sit with them if you really fell you need to."

Axel thanked the man and then headed in the direction he had pointed. There was a room full of computers and monitor and a bunch of other equipment that Axel wasn't even sure what they did. Two men were sitting uncomfortably in front of a monitor, the sounds of skin on skin, moaning, and crying could be heard over the speakers. The two agents noticed Axel come in but he didn't acknowledge them. His eyes were glued to the screen Ansem was behind Roxas, his hips snapping. Roxas was face down and tied with rope again. He had deep bleeding gashed all over his back. Axel heard himself whispering, "Oh God." Over and over again.

"What the hell happened?"

The brown haired cop cleared his throat, "Ansem whipped him pretty bad about 20 minutes ago. Then started raping him."

Axel fell into a chair watched numbly, One of Ansem's hands was on Roxas' hip the other Axel could see he held a silver pistol. His blood ran cold. Ansem was planning to kill Roxas. Probably when he was done raping him. Axel started to pray again, this time that Flinn and the others would get there in time. He watched numbly as once again his sweet, feisty, caring, boyfriend was violated by this man. A man that Axel hadn't even really known. He was just some higher up that he had never had much contact with ans who thought that everyone was beneath him. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that someone he had rarely even talked to would kidnap and rape his boyfriend.

Ansem was taking his time, thrusting into Roxas' body the pulling out slowly before thrusting back in. Roxas' head was hanging between his arms and if Axel hadn't been able to hear his cries, he would have assumed that his little blond lover were unconscious.

There was a sudden crash, a lot of yelling and the camera tipped over onto it side, giving Axel and the two tech a sideways view of the room. He saw Ansem's surprise and he raised the gun. Shots fired and Ansem was hit three times in the chest before falling over the opposite side of the bed. Roxas was sobbing, his face turned away and partly buried in his shoulder. Flinn holstered his weapon and moved to the side of the bed. "Roxas, my name is Detective Flinn, I'm with the HBPD."

Roxas looked up at the old man, "How did you find me?"

Flinn placed his hands on his hips ,"Well it took us a while but we were finally able to put a lock on his signal. you're boyfriend Axel has quite literally worried himself sick. He's back at the station waiting for you."

The blonde's eyes watered, "Axel?" he whispered.

The cop nodded.

Roxas started tugging at his binds, "Get me out of here! Take me to Axel. I need to see him."

A near by uniform pulled a knife from his pocket and cute the ties, as soon as he was free Flinn covered him with his jacket. He then picked Roxas up. The boy curled against his chest and held on for dear life. Flinn turned and looked at the camera, "We've got him, Axel. We've got him."

Across town the red haired man let his head fall to the table and wept.

~O~

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><p>Rox3l: Yea I know that Ansem is always used as the bad guy in everything, I just used him because he's just a good looking character that plays the bad roles so good. I have been in a very bad place for the past two days and probably for a while to come, so I hope that you guys don't mind a lot of dark and twisty from me.<p> 


	9. Somebody Save Me

Rox3l: Alright. So, I have been so terrible to Roxas these past few days, I think it's Axel's turn.

If you've been reading this for a while now, you know that this is very adult stuff. Not for anyone that is underage or easily offended._  
><em>

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><p>~O~<p>

_"No! Please Dad, no!" The small red headed boy cries as he's dragged across the carpeted floor by his hair._

_His words fall on deaf ears as the larger man tosses him into his parent's bedroom and shuts the door behind them. Tears fall down the young teens face as his father locks the door and turns back to look at him. He's frozen on the floor by that look. By the cold and calculating stare his father give's him when he's thinking about **that**._

_"Please Dad, no." He whispers as he grips his shirt against his chest._

_"Shut up," his father hisses as he unbuckles his pants._

_He shakes his head, "Mom could be home any minute..."_

_His father laughs at him, "She called half an hour ago. She's going to bingo with her sister. She won't be back for hours."_

_The sound of his father unzipping his pants is painfully loud in the quite room and the pre-teen is afraid to move, all his words shriveling up in his throat. His father advances on him, taking him by the arm and he screams as he is dragged to the bed. He tries to fight as his father throws him -none too gently- onto the large bed, but he is weak and a child and is no match for the nearly 200 pound man._

_His shirt is ripped from his body leaving angry red lines in his flesh that make him whimper. He can feel his father's hands on the waistband of his shorts and he feels sick. His father takes his time in removing them, his breath coming just a little bit faster. He wants to throw up as they're removed, but he knows that will only anger his father and he doesn't want to make him angry. He doesn't like it when this happens either. He lays there as his boxers are removed and his mind fades into the the day he lost his innocence._

_It had been a beautiful summer evening and his mother and older brother had gone shopping and he had been left in his father's care. He'd been sitting on the living room floor playing his PSP while his father was indulging in his favorite past time, drink beer on the couch. He had been unusually silent and calm that evening and the boy had counted it as good fortune and just tried to keep to himself and not do anything that might piss his father off. That was when his father's cellphone went off and the half conversation he overheard made him nervous._

_"Yeah?" His father paused. "Yeah, she's gone."_

_Another pause._

_"At least an hour."_

_Silence._

_"Yeah, the boy's here."_

_More silence, then he smiled. "Perfect."_

_Then it was over and he wasn't concentrating on his game anymore as his father got up off the couch and stretched. His father was a large man, he wasn't fat he was just big. It made him feel afraid of him. When his father turned and looked down at him he looked back with wide green eyes._

_"I have company coming over, go to your room."_

_He couldn't get out of that room fast enough as he scrambled to his feet and shot for the stairs. Not stopping until his door had shut behind him and he felt the save haven of his room close in around him. His heart skipped a beat when he heard the doorbell ring. For some reason dread started to fill his small frame. Not sure how, but knowing something was wrong the young boy ran for his closet and wedged himself in among all the junk he had crammed in the small space._

_Minutes after he had hidden himself away he heard steps on the stairs and his bedroom door was pushed open. With his heart in his throat he listened as he heard the two men come into his room._

_"Axel," he heard his father call. "Come out here boy. I know where you are."_

_He didn't move. Hoping that if he didn't say anything or make any noise that his father wouldn't check. He whimpered as the door to his closet was pulled open and his father stood there looking down at him. Giving a cry the boy tried to make a run for it but the two older men caught him by the arms and legs and hauled him to the bed. He screamed catching his father's friend by the face and digging his fingernails in, leaving a long gash along his cheek. The man let go of him and swore holding onto his bleeding face._

_"Fuck man!"_

_"Get the rope," his father grunted as he struggled to keep the flailing boy from getting away._

_Together the two men subdued the boy enough to hold his arms against the headboard of his bed and secure his wrists. When he was tied the men looked at each other and smiled. He tired to get lose, twisting and pulling at the ropes until his wrists were sore, but he couldn't break free. He couldn't break free and he was scared._

_"Do you want to go first?" He heard his father ask and he didn't understand._

_His father's friend, who he remembered is named Kevin, gave a wicked smile and pulled his shirt over his head before unbuckling his pants. That was when he realized that they meant to have sex with him. His blood ran cold. He heard kids at school joking about gays having sex by sticking it in the ass, but he'd never thought of it beyond that. Tears crept down his cheeks and he pulled so hard at the ropes that the skin tore._

_He screamed when Kevin climbed onto the bed, now nude. He was thinner then his father was, his body very well toned. His manhood was jutting up from between his thighs and the sight made the thin boy scream louder hoping someone might hear him. His father muffled his cries by covering his mouth with a large hand. He couldn't breath, his nose was stuffed up and he couldn't breath!_

_His father handed his friend a bottle and a small foil wrapper, "Don't leave any evidence in him."_

_Nodding the other man opened the condom and slipped it over himself. His father smiled and stroked the boy's cheek, it was wet with tears. He looked into emerald eyes, eyes that are nothing like his own. "Prepare him good. We don't want him to have any proof."_

_The boy watched in horror as Kevin coated his fingers in the stuff his father gave him. Kevin then pushed his leg up toward his chest and he realized that he is going to put his fingers in his ass. He thrashed, trying to get away but Kevin has one of his legs pinned and his father lets go of his face to hold down the other one. He whimpered when he felt one of those slickened fingers push into him. It felt weird and he didn't like it. He tried again to pull his hands free, believing that if he could just get them free he could fight them off._

_A second finger entered him and he winced. The second one felt even worse, it's like he needs to poop and he doesn't like this at all. He cried out as Kevin moved his fingers in and out, making the terrible feeling get one hundred times worse. He didn't believe that gay guys did this. It felt awful. After another moment the fingers are gone and he relaxed, but then Kevin reared above him, holding himself and the boy screamed. Pushing forward, the head of Kevin's penis slipped inside him and he wailed._

_"Stop!"_

_Grunting Kevin pushed more of himself inside and it hurt. He could feel wetness around the ropes binding his wrists and he knew without looking over his head that it was blood, but he just kept pulling. He had to get away, he had to._

_But he couldn't._

_Kevin began to thrust into him and he screamed, again. Over and over, until his father grabbed a shirt from the floor and tied it around his head. Biting into the fabric he continued to scream as a pleasant tingling began to grow every time Kevin thrust into him. He felt sick, betrayed that his body liked what was being done to him. His member starting to stiffen. He father laughed and made a comment about how he was beginning to like it, like a good boy should. He wished he were anywhere else, anywhere but here._

_Gnawing at the fabric he couldn't help it as his body responded further to what was being done to him and a small moan escaped his throat. His face burned in shame and he hangs limply from the ropes as the thrusting inside him became more intense, more demanding. He heard Kevin swear and the man goes still, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt the penis inside him twitching and is relieved when he finally pulled out. Kevin rolled off to the side and the small boy is horrified when his father took his place in between his thighs. He smiled down at him son and unzipped himself. The boy screamed. . ._

_His mind brought him back to the hear and now as his father leans over him, naked. He strokes his fingers down a pale cheek before he takes hold of the boy's thighs and opens him up. The boy screams, as he feels that hard flesh begin to press into him._

_. . .  
><em>

Axel shot up out of sleep with a scream caught in his throat. It took him a moment, but he manages to swallow it back down. Panting, with sweat dripping down his body he looks around the small bedroom and notices that he's alone. His best friend and long time boyfriend is apparently already up and probably puttering around the kitchen, which leaves him to be able to escape to the bathroom unhindered. Leaning against the sink he looks at himself in the mirror and he doesn't like what he see there. He's too tall, too skinny, too weak. He runs his fingers threw his long red locks, so unlike his father's pale hair. He stares into his eyes, bright green when they should have been brown because his father had brown eyes and brown is a dominate eye color, but no. His eyes were green.

The October after the summer his father had started having sex with him he told him the truth. That he wasn't Axel's real father.

Two months later, a week after his fourteenth birthday, Axel had tried to commit suicide. He jumped into on coming traffic and was hit by a car going 40. It was a terrible accident and he had needed multiple surgeries to fix all the injuries he sustained. Even with going to physical therapy afterward, Axel had only regained back 60% strength in his left hand. After his recovery and he had returned home, he told his mother what had been going on with his father. She felt guilty that she had never noticed anything going on and vowed that she would never let him touch him again. She called the cops, filled a report and after a year long trial his father was sentenced to 20 years in jail.

Axel sighs. Turning away from the mirror and and rubbing at the scars covering his shoulder and upper arm from his surgeries. They were aching. Going back into the bedroom he tosses his sleep wear onto the floor and pulls on a pair of tight black jeans and a band T-shirt. When he's dressed and runs a brush through his unruly hair he heads downstairs. Roxas, the love of his life is seated at the kitchen table next to their roommate, Demyx. Roxas looks up as he enters the kitchen and smiles, offering him some pancakes as Axel takes a seat across from him. Axel obliges and forks a couple onto a plate and slops syrup onto them.

"Welp, I have to go to class," Roxas says as he pushes himself away from the table.

Axel shoves a whole pancake into his mouth and stands also. "I'll coom wiff joo."

Roxas makes a face, but doesn't protest as Axel hurries back upstairs to grab his book bag before he rushes back down, shouting a goodbye to Demyx and following Roxas out the door. Roxas links their fingers together as they cross the street, stepping onto HBU grounds.

"What do you have today?" Axel asks as they made their way through the courtyard.

"History of Modern Art," He makes a face as he says it which causes Axel to laugh. "Yourself?"

"Physiology."

"Ooooh, fun." Roxas teases as he sees one of his professors and waves at him. The older man sees him and waves back.

"Hello Roxas."

Axel freezes. His hand dropping from Roxas' which causes the blonde to look back at him curiously. All the blood drains from his face as he looks up at the older man before him. The face has changed, aged, but he would know that voice anywhere. The other man looks at him and a flicker of something flashes through his eyes and he smiles at Axel.

"Hello Axel, you been a good boy?"

Axel's world spins and he's that 13 year old boy again. Tied to his headboard and unable to get away as this man takes his virginity and his father jokes about it. His face crumbling Axel turns and tears ass out of there, barely aware of Roxas calling his name. All he knows is that he has to get away, he can't be hurt like that again. Never again. That night has haunted him for the last five years and he can't face it. Doesn't want to. It's too painful.

A small hand catches his wrist and he is jerked to a sputtering halt and he almost lashes out but he realizes in a split second that it's Roxas. It's just Roxas, not that man. He's breathing hard, like he's just ran a lot further then he has and he doesn't know when he started to but he's crying.

"Ax, man. You are freaking me out. What's wrong?" Roxas asks, concern in his deep blue eyes.

"I-" Axel falters looking around at all the people milling around. He shakes his head and takes hold of Roxas' wrist, leading him into a deserted lecture room and shutting the door.

"Axel, please. Talk to me. Do you know Professor Mathers?"

"You could say that, " Axel says a matter-of-factly as he takes a seat in an empty chair. Roxas is still looking at him and Axel knows that he doesn't understand. "Do you remember what I told you about my father?"

Roxas nods, not sure if he should say anything so he keeps quite.

"Well, I never told you about how I lost my virginity..."

Roxas' brow furrows, "I always assumed it had been your dad. Because, ya know, of what you told me happened to you."

Axel places his hands over his face, "My father invited a friend the first time. That man, he took my virginity. I was 13 years old."

Horror spread over Roxas' face and he wraps his arms around his boyfriend. "Oh, my god. I had no idea, I'm so sorry Axel."

Axel hugs Roxas to him and feels better. It was difficult to talk about his early teenage years, but with Roxas by his side it's a tad bit easier. He knows that Roxas would never judge him, never make him feel bad about something that had happened to him a long time ago.

"We have to go to the Dean," Roxas says suddenly. "We can't just let him be around students when he's done something like that."

Axel nods against Roxas' chest, "Just, give me a minute." He whispers. "Hold me for a bit?"

A small loving smile graces Roxas' thin lips and he lays his head on top of Axel's and give him his silent support.

~O~

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><p>Rox: I hoped you liked it. I was just suddenly hit with the want to do terrible things to Axel. Thank you to the people that reviewed Seven Days in Hell, you are lovely. If you liked, or didn't like this drop me a review of your thoughts. See you all next time.<p> 


	10. I Didn't Need to See That

Rox3l: Hey guys! I came up with this little piece of fluff and decided you all needed some pointless happy from me for a change. I did notice that I have been writing a lot of rape in the past week and I think I owe an explanation. I am trying to get over a break up after a 4 year relationship. I'm hurting pretty bad and this is my way of coping. Roxas is my ideal punching bag, but I've also started to migrate against Axel a bit as you saw in the last chapter. I'm probably not going to add a second chapter but then again you never know. I'm sorry if all the violence was starting to wear on any of you.

I hope you enjoy the story.

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><p>~O~<p>

Roxas sighed as he flopped back onto his living room couch. He and Axel had just spent the last two hours pelting each other with snowballs. He face was red and raw from the white wash that Axel had shoved into his face at the end of the fight. Said man walked into the living room rubbing his hands together to try and get rid of the tingles of the beginnings of frostbite. He sat down next to Roxas and without warning shoved his cold hand down Roxas' shirt. Roxas gave a startled shout and tried to squirm away. Laughing manically Axel followed him and pinned him to the cushions of the couch, now shoving both hands up Roxas' shirt to press against his bare skin. Roxas let out a squeal that sounded like a baby deer being bludgeoned in the head with a hammer.

"Axel, fucking cut it out dude!" He screamed.

Axel's response was to laugh harder and try to worm his hands into his best friend's armpits. Roxas howled and did the only thing he could think of to get Axel to stop, he reached up and clocked him across the cheek. Axel pulled his hands away and stared at his best friend. "Did you just try to punch me?"

Roxas used the opportunity to bolt from the couch and fly into the kitchen. He was at the foot of the stairs that led to the second floor when he heard Axel giving chase behind him. Giving a shout he clamored up the steps on his hands and knees afraid to look behind him, afraid that Axel was right there. He crashed into his bedroom door just as Axel caught him around the waist. He cried out as he was lifted into the air and their momentum sent them crashing onto the floor. Roxas groaned as Axel's larger body crushed his own against the hardwood.

"Fuck," Axel moaned and shifted on top of him.

Roxas' attention was then brought to the fact that Axel's groin was pressed flush against his hip and he could feel the soft plumpness that was his best friend's cock. His heart rate sped and he went deathly still under that toned body.

"Are you alright?" Axel asked oblivious of the blonde's panic.

"Um. . ." He tried to get his mind to form a coherent sentence but all he could think of was that this was Axel's penis pressed against him. To his horror and shame he could feel himself start to harden.

Axel went still over him, staring down at him with wide eyes. Shame burned over his skin as he was forced to stare up into Axel's shocked expression. _Lord, just kill me now._

"You're. . .um. . ."_  
><em>

Roxas threw his arm over his eyes so he didn't have to see Axel's face turn into disgust. "I'm sorry!" He blurted out.

"Why. . .?"

"I don't know!" Roxas cried wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

"Are you. . .attracted to me?"

Roxas whimpered and refused to answer, waiting to be punched in the face. When Axel didn't move for what he was sure was a few minutes Roxas slowly moved his arm to see Axel staring down at him with an expression he couldn't place.

"Axel?"

Axel shook his head, "You're such a dummy."

The redhead then leaned down and pressed his lips against his best friend's. Roxas' eyes went wide and he couldn't respond, too shocked that Axel was actually _kissing_ him.

"W-What?" Roxas spluttered when Axel pulled back enough for him to speak.

Axel chuckled and caught Roxas' bottom lip between his teeth and gave it a tug, making the smaller whimper. "You've always been trying so hard to be a great friend that you've completely missed the fact that I've liked you as more then a friend for a long time."

And then Axel was kissing him again. Just a soft press of lips against his own, nothing more, but fire spread through his body. He reached up and tangled his thin fingers in Axel's red mane of hair, tilting his head to the side he deepened the kiss. Axel moaned and his tongue snuck it's way into Roxas' mouth, coaxing the other to meet his and play. A shiver ran up the blonde's spine when he pressed that soft, wet muscle to Axel's. The taller growled and gripped Roxas' hips, grinding his growing erection against him. Roxas arched and slipped his hands from Axel's hair and into his shirt, brushing his digits against the hard muscles he found. Axel shuddered for him and they broke away for a moment as the redhead helped him remove the garment and cast it aside.

Axel then pressed his lips against Roxas throat and sucked harshly at the skin, pulling it into his mouth and working at it furiously. Roxas cried out, thrusting up against Axel's so ready hardness. Axel's hands were then scrambling at the belt of Roxas' pants, tugging them down smooth pale legs, leaving the smaller totally bare from the waist down. Roxas blushed and he looked up at Axel, who was busy trying to free his massive erection from the confines of his jeans. When his cock sprang free he laid down against Roxas, his lips seeking out Roxas' as he pressed that hard column of flesh against the blonde's answering hardness. Roxas cried out at the feeling and his lips locked with Axel's, eating up the sounds he was making.

"Roxas," Axel moaned into the kiss. "I want you so badly."

Roxas gave and answering moan and tried to reach up to his bedside table but he was just out of reach of the drawer. Axel felt him fumbling and pulled back, seeing what he was reaching for. Taking the task onto himself Axel reached out for the drawer and opened it. There was a bottle of lube and a box of condoms tucked against the corner. Removing the items Axel placed them on the floor next to them and returned to laying on top of Roxas. He reached down and spread Roxas' legs so that he was laying in between them. He then took the bottle in his left hand and popped the top, ready to spread the substance onto his fingers when the door slammed open.

The two on the floor shot away from each other as Sora burst into the room. "Hey Roxas! I was wondering if you-!" He froze catching the sight of his brother and his best friend half naked on the floor, a box of condoms laying next to them. "_My eyes_!" He wailed dramatically, turning away. "Oh, my, God! I'll never be able to unsee this, Never! I'm scarred for life. Life! O.M.G Axel, for the love of God and everything that is Holy, put that fucking _anaconda_ away!"

Recovered from the shock of being walked in on Axel began to chuckle.

"Don't laugh at me!" Sora cried angrily.

"Anaconda," Axel snorted causing Roxas to give a small smile.

"Fine, whatever. Laugh at me." Sora pouted, stepping back out into the hall he threw a glance over his shoulder. "But Roxas, you might want to put some pants on. I just came in to let you know Mom and Dad are on their way home. And I'm sure you don't want them find you about to be mounted on your bedroom floor."

Sora closed the door behind himself and Roxas' eyes shot to Axel's, they both were trying not to dissolve into laughter. The redhead climbed off of Roxas, helping him to his feet. Their mood having been totally killed and not wanting to be discovered by the blonde's parents, they got dressed. Roxas picked up the discarded items and tucked them back into the bedside table as Axel flung the door open, barging into the room next door shouting; "The anaconda has come to conquer and destroy, you better run before it gets you!"

"Axel," Sora whined horrified. "That's not funny..."

~O~

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><p>Rox3l: So yea, pointless and amusing. I thought it was funny. As always, thank you to the people who reviewed the last chapter. Again, sorry if anyone was looking for a continuation, I think I want to put it behind me for now. See you all next time.<p> 


	11. Innocence

Rox3l: So, this over took my mind while I was working on chapter 3 of Let's Talk About Sex, Baby and I had to get it out. WARNING! There is serious subject matter in this chapter, I DO NOT condone child abuse.

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><p>~O~<p>

Axel was an average guy. He liked video games and burgers. He hated work and loved to hit the bars with his friends after a long day. He was turning 24 this month. To everyone else he was the life of the party, he had a great attitude and was quick with a joke or come back. To everyone else he was a good guy, but Axel knew the truth.

He was a sick, sick man.

It had all started with a look. A simple look out of his bedroom window while he was taking a break from a game of League. That was when he saw him, the little blonde boy that lived next door. He was in his back yard throwing a stick for his small yappy dog to retrieve and bring back to him. Axel was struck with how beautiful this boy was. He had bright spiky blonde hair and the bluest eyes he had ever seen, made even bluer by the contrast of his light hair. He was lithe and petite and Axel guessed his age at no more then 15. That's when the thoughts started to creep into his mind. How smooth his skin looked glistening in the sun. How soft his hair probably was. The way his muscles corded and bunched as he threw the stick. The ache to run his fingers along his back, under his shirt and touch that_ skin_.

Then and there he vowed that he had to get to know this boy and the next time he was out in his yard Axel casually went out onto his back porch to smoke a cigarette and said hi. The boy paused and said hi back, then turning back to his dog. Axel leaned against the railing, smoking and watching the boy play with the dog, his heart fluttering in his chest. The next day he did it again, and the day after that, until the boy struck up a conversation on their fourth meeting. Axel had learned the boy's name was Roxas, and that he was 13 years old. He'd offered his hand to Axel over the chest high chain link fence and Axel had come off of the porch and accepted it. The feeling of that soft uncalloused hand in his own set a fire in his veins. He _wanted _this boy, Roxas.

Axel went home after that first conversation and masturbated with the feeling of Roxas' hand still lingering on his skin. Orgasming with the image of what Roxas might look like laying prone _beneath_ him, his blue eyes clouded with lust. Shame had burned through him when the fantasy began to fade, his own fluid pooling in his palm. He had washed his hands angrily, refusing to look into the mirror, at this monster that lusted after a_ child_. He stopped going into the backyard when Roxas was out in his own after that. For two weeks he managed to keep those thoughts and feelings away from his mind. As long as he didn't see the blond he was okay.

And then the fateful evening when Roxas' mother came knocking on his door had come. She asked him if he could keep and eye on Roxas for a half an hour until his father got home from work. The sight of the boy on his doorstep was unbearable. He agreed, much to Roxas' mother's relief as she made a dash for her car to get to her job. Unknowing that this seemingly nice man _lusted_ after her son. Roxas stayed standing on the doorstep until Axel moved aside and told him to come in. He shimmied into the apartment and Axel closed the door behind him, leaning against it like it was his life line.

"I haven't seen you around lately," came the smooth tones of his voice.

Axel's tongue was like putty in his mouth, "I've. . .been busy." He answered lamely.

Roxas gave him a curious look and took a step closer to the other man. Axel pressed himself against the wood of the door tighter. The urge to _touch_ him was overwhelming. The need to feel that silky skin against his own had his blood on fire, and he was sure he was sweating with his rising body temperature.

"What's wrong?" Roxas asked reaching out to wipe a droplet of sweat from his brow.

"N-nothing," Axel gasped, the skin that Roxas had touched felt scorched.

Roxas gave him a condescending smile. "You're not acting like it's nothing," He whispered standing mere inches from Axel.

"Back off," Axel growled with his last thread of self control.

Roxas pressed his body flush against Axel's bringing his lips to his ear, "Did you know I can see into your window from my backyard?" He traced those petal soft lips over the shell of the older man's ear. "You've been watching me for a long time."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Axel whispered breathily.

Roxas' hand drifted down to caress the bulge that was unmistakeable in the front of Axel's slacks. "You want me. I know you do."

He took a step back and Axel almost breathed a sigh of relief but Roxas was taking hold of his wrists and he was too weak by now to resist. The blonde brought Axel's hands up and laid his palms against his chest. Axel sucked in a sharp breath at the contact, the feel of Roxas' pectorals through his shirt. Roxas let out a small moan and let his head loll back and he ran those long fingers down his stomach. Horrified, Axel tugged his hands away when Roxas began guiding them down past his navel.

"Why are you doing this?" His voice was high with panic.

Roxas regarded him almost thoughtfully, "I want to lose my virginity. A bunch of my friends have already done it, I want to too."

Axel shook his head, his control so close to snapping. He closed his eyes when he heard the telltale sound of a zipper being undone. He felt pathetic as Roxas took hold of his wrist again, but this time pressed his hips against his palm. It took Axel's stressed brain a moment to process what was going on, but when it did he realized that he had Roxas' penis in his _hand_. Moaning, his control vanishing, he grasped the member and gave a small stroke. Roxas gasped against him and the sound chased all the doubt from his mind. Gripping the flesh firmly he began to stoke, holding the boy against the front of his body as his younger one was wracked with pleasure.

Roxas gripped Axel's shoulders and whimpered, he had touched himself before but it didn't compare to having someone else do it. He panted and began to move his hips forward to meet Axel's practiced strokes. It was overwhelming. So much better then he could have ever guessed. No wonder all his friends wouldn't shut up about how great it was to have sex. Before he knew it he could feel the burning of the beginnings of orgasm low in his belly.

"A-Axel," Roxas gasped his hips thrusting into the tunnel that Axel's fingers had created for it. "I'm gonna. . ."

"It's okay," Axel whispered and a moment later Roxas was arching and screaming, semen spattering against Axel's clothed stomach.

Roxas sagged in his arms and looked up at him, his eyes hazy. Axel's heart seized and he placed a hand on Roxas' head and guided him to his knees. He then fumbled at the waist of his jeans for a second before his erection sprung free. Roxas, being a 13 year old male with internet access, meant that he had looked up porn before; leaned forward and took the head of Axel's cock into his mouth without hesitation. Axel gave a shout and tangled the fingers of one hand into those blonde locks. He began to set the pace as Roxas' tongue lashed along the underside of his cock. Moaning, Axel pushed his hips just a little bit deeper, feeling for Roxas' gag reflex. He was impressed that Roxas could get a little more then half of his length into his mouth before he would gag and pull up. Roxas set a quick pace, his hand coming up on instinct to take hold of the base of Axel's member.

Axel was in heaven and he could feel his orgasm fast approaching, thrusting into that wonderful wetness one last time Axel pulled out sharply and fisted himself a couple of times before he was pulsing wave after wave of come over Roxas' face. The boy shut his eyes and accepted the facial without even a sound of protest. When Axel was spent and his cock began to start losing it's hardness he let go of the boy and leaned back against the door, panting. When he could focus, what he saw made his heart almost stop. Roxas was sitting on the floor at his feet, giving him a small smile with Axel's fluid cooling on his skin. Anger and guilt instantly coursed through Axel and he pulled Roxas into the bathroom and helped him clean the come out of his hair. Roxas didn't say anything as they cleaned up and Axel was kicking himself for letting this _child_ get the better of him.

"Was that sex?" Roxas asked as they left the bathroom and headed into the living room.

Axel was in a daze as sat down and turned on his Xbox 360 before replying, "That was part of it."

"Am I not a virgin now?"

A look of almost pain crossed over Axel's face, "No, you're still a virgin."

Roxas' face fell and he frowned, "What do I need to do to not be a virgin?"

Axel didn't look at his as he cruised his Dashboard absently, "You need to have intercourse."

Roxas made a face, "You mean I need to take it in the ass?"

With his heart in his throat Axel nodded, unbelieving he was having this conversation. "You need to either take it or give it. Of course there is also vaginal intercourse. "

Roxas opened his mouth to reply and Axel thanked the stars as his doorbell rang. It could have been the Devil himself come to drag Axel's ass to Hell, but Axel would have kissed his feet in that moment. He all but sprinted from the couch to answer it. A talk blonde man stood there. "Roxas, you're father's here," Axel called out looking up at the older blonde.

Roxas wandered back out into the kitchen and greeted his father. The boy past by him and paused on the doorstep, "Can I come back and hang out sometime?"

Axel paled and he could see Roxas' father watching him, "S-sure." He croaked out. "Any time you want."

As he shut the door, terror and revulsion spreading through him like wild fire. The memory of what he had done making him feel sick. He then knew what had to be done. Moving deeper into the kitchen Axel opened a draw and removed a large knife. Rolling up his sleeve he look at the pale skin of his inner arm. Taking a breath he set the knife against his skin and began carving out a warning to others.

R-A-P-I-S-T

When he was done, he dropped the bloodied blade to the floor and fell to his knees. He'd _tainted_ that boy. Infected him with his wanting, destroyed his childhood. His_ innocence_. Roxas didn't know it now, but he would never be the same after this. After having an _adult _lay their hands on him. He'd said he wanted to lose his virginity, but he hadn't understood what that truly meant.

Because he was a _child_.

~O~


	12. Its Over

Rox3l: Yeah, okay this is just a little snippet that I have had sitting in my Doc Manager for awhile now. Thought I would throw it up.

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><p>~O~<p>

Roxas sat on the plush couch in the living room and just stared at Axel, completely unable to comprehend what he had just said. "Excuse me?"

Axel sighed, "It's not that I don't love you. I do. It's just, there's this girl and she's wonderful and I have really fallen for her. I think I want to marry her."

Pain stabbed through Roxas' heart and hot angry tears stung his eyes. He had to swallow twice, hard, to be able to speak. "We've been together for three years. Three years, during which we have gone through more things then most couples do in a lifetime. And you just want to throw it all away?"

A look past over Axel's face and he crumbled around the edges a bit. "God, Roxas. I'm sorry, I still love you. Really, but I really want to see where this goes."

Breathing shallowly, Roxas felt like he couldn't taken in enough air, like his throat was closing up. It was hard to fight back the tears that were threatening in his eyes. the pain in his chest was unimaginable, he had never felt anything like this in his 19 years of life. Axel had been his first and only love. And now, out of no where, it was ending. Gasping he covered his mouth with his hand and the tears finally won, slipping down his cheeks. They felt like hot brands against his skin.

"Get out," Roxas croaked. "Get the fuck out of my house!"

Axel took a step back, floored. Roxas was the kindest and sweetest person that he had ever known. In the five years that they had been friends, he could probably count the number of times he had heard Roxas swear on one hand. He felt guilt and shame run through him that he was causing Roxas such pain, but he was hurting too. He loved Roxas, really truly loved him. But he loved this girl too, and he didn't want to just let her go and then wonder down the line if he had let the love of his life go. It was a hard choice to make, but he had to know. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life wondering 'what if'.

"Get out!" Roxas screamed again, launching a throw pillow at hit him in the chest and although it hadn't really hurt, he wished that it had. He felt like a creep for destroying such a wonderful person as Roxas. His boyfriend instinct was screaming at him to scoop Roxas up in his arms and coddle him. To ask for forgiveness for hurting him like this, but Roxas was looking at him with such betrayal that he knew he had damaged something deep inside him.

With his throat thick Axel took a step back, then another, before his feet were carrying him out of Roxas' house. He was part of the way down the driveway when he heard Roxas scream. Every fiber of Axel's being froze. The sheer amount of _pain _he could hear in his now ex boyfriend's voice was heart shattering. Made even more so for Axel because he knew it was him that had caused it. Gritting his teeth Axel began to run, his long legs carrying him down the street at an incredible pace, Roxas' pained cry still ringing in his ears.

He was standing in his front year before he even realized that there were tears streaming down his face.


	13. Skin & Bones

Rox3l: Hey all I know I have not updated anything in a few weeks, I'm just kind stuck on everything. This is something that I have been thinking about writing for a long time now. It was inspired by the song Skin & Bones by Marianas Trench. They are my top 2nd favorite band and if you get the chance you should go and listen to the song. I have never had or known anyone who suffers from an eating disorder so I hope I got all my facts straight. And if you or someone you know suffers from an eating disorder I urge you to seek help.

WARNING! There is character death in this story. I almost cried writing it, so be forewarned.

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><p>~O~<p>

Axel stood in front of the full length mirror that was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. He grimaced. Why was he so ugly? Biting his lip he lifted thin fingers to pinch the small amount of excess skin at his side. Why couldn't he get rid of it? He had cut his diet in half, taking in less then 300 calories a day; he went running every morning and went to the gym every night. Why was he still so fat? Tears of frustration and anger welled in his eyes. He was so disgusting. He hated this fat, ugly person standing in front of him.

Clenching his hands into fists he took in a breath. He was just going to have to try harder. He obviously wasn't working hard enough. Letting the breath out in a controlled burst he went to the other side of the small room and stepped onto the scale. He waited for a moment for the digital reading to flash the number 120.6 at him. Crestfallen, pain erupted in his chest and he stumbled off of the scale. No wonder he was such a fatass...he had gained a pound. The earlier tears came back with a vengeance and cut like hot tails of fire down his cheeks.

He slipped down to the floor and brought his knees to his chest, hugging them to his body. He hated himself. Why was he so weak and pathetic that he couldn't lose this weight? If he was just strong enough to do that he knew he would finally be able to work up the courage to tell his roommate how he really felt about him...but he couldn't do it now. Not when he was this fat and disgusting. Laying his cheek against his knees he stared blankly at his reflection in the mirror.

Five pounds. All he need to lose was that last five pounds and he would be able to tell Roxas that he loved him. Finding his resolve he got to his feet and picked up his clothes, pulling them on before exiting the bathroom. It was late morning and he knew Roxas would be pattering around in the kitchen, making something for them to have for lunch before the two of them headed off to class.

Axel had met Roxas their first day of university; they had been dorm mates, Roxas living in the room across the hall. Roxas had locked himself out of his room first day and they had started talking while the blonde waited for his roommate to get back from class with a key. Axel was pretty much in love with him from that first conversation. But there was no way that Roxas would go for a guy like him. He had been 195 pounds when he had met Roxas, the heaviest he had ever been in his life.

His parents had just gone through a very messy and time consuming divorce which Axel had gotten caught in the middle of. He had felt like a piece of property as both his parents bickered that they each knew what was best for him; neither of them bothering to ask Axel what he wanted. By the end of it he had honestly not given a fuck about who was going to be taking custody of him for the short span of time before he turned 18, he was just glad to be heading to Hollow Bastion U that coming fall.

His grandmother had set up a college fund for him when he was a child, and he had gotten a scholarship for playing basketball. He was looking at four years away at school. He couldn't have been happier. He hated his parents. The stress they had caused him by treating him like a fucking piece of furniture to argue over who got to keep, had made him turn to food to make himself feel better about his life falling part around him. He'd gone off to college by himself that October; packing all of his shit into the black Chevy Malibu that his father had bought for him when he had graduated high school with a 3.9 GPA. He had sped away from his father's new house (courtesy of his air tight prenup) and had never looked back.

And there he had met Roxas. His first meeting of the blonde had left a heavy feeling in the pit of Axel's stomach, like all his insides were trying to tie themselves into knots. That night had been the first time that Axel had forgone eating, making up his mind that if he could lose 80 pounds that he would tell Roxas how he felt. That had been the first step down the terrible path that he had set himself on.

It had been three years since that first meeting, and he still hadn't made it to the 80 pound mark. It was frustrating. No, it was downright infuriating. Padding on bare feet into the kitchen of their on campus apartment Axel plopped down into a chair and frowned at the fight he knew was going to be had over trying to get him to eat whatever it was that Roxas was making. Without fail Roxas turned from the stove with two plates of grilled chicken with bacon set over salad. He happily placed one of the plates down in front of Axel before moving across the table and lowered himself into another chair.

Axel swallowed hard as he watched the small blonde tuck into his meal, first cutting all of the chicken into smaller pieces, then mixing everything together. Axel looked down at his own plate and struggled with himself. He didn't want to be rude and not eat what Roxas had gone out of his way to make for him, but he couldn't stop the nagging voice in the back of his mind that told him that if he ate this then he was weak. It also didn't help his internal dilemma that Roxas hadn't started in on him about needing to eat. Usually when then blond didn't say something that he had said a thousand times before it was because he was tired of saying it. Axel didn't want Roxas to get tired of him…not when he was just five pounds away from his confession.

Axel picked up his fork and speared a couple of leaves of Romaine lettuce and before he could really think about it he shoved them into his mouth. His stomach was in a tight ball as he forced himself to chew and swallow. It was like swallowing sandpaper, and Axel had to reach for a glass of water just to get it all down. He didn't know if he had it in him to force more down his throat, but the small smile Roxas gave him at seeing him eating made Axel want to melt. Taking a silent breath he forked the smallest piece of chicken he could find and placed it in his mouth.

His mind was wailing at him and he felt nauseous as he chewed the poultry. He managed to get it down before his saving grace from eating arrived in the form of Demyx tossing the apartment door open. Roxas started and sent a glare over the divider between the kitchen and living room. Demyx grinned back at him and strode into the house without asking for permission. Axel took the distraction as an opportunity to getting up and spoon his meal into a container (that he would later give to the homeless man that sat on the corner of campus asking for change from the students) and shoved it into the bag that was sitting on the floor.

Roxas turned back to him with a small frown and opened his mouth to say something but Axel hurried through a goodbye, slung his bag over his shoulder and rushed out of the apartment with Demyx. He heard Roxas mutter a goodbye as he closed the door. He felt slightly guilty for brushing Roxas off but he hadn't had it in him to force himself through a whole meal like that. Stepping out of the building he shivered as the late November chill hit him.

For a moment he was lightheaded and thought he might fall over, but Demyx caught him by the elbow and held him steady until he was able to regain himself. When he righted himself Demyx stepped away and they began the six minute walk to their lecture hall. Demyx said nothing about the dizzy spell, Axel having explained those fears away a long time ago telling Demyx and all his friends that he was just anemic. It had relieved and kind of saddened him that he had been able to play everything off so easily and that they all trusted him enough to not lie to them about his health.

Him and Demyx parted ways with a fist pump and a short goodbye before each turning to the respective building they were supposed to be in. Axel rubbed his forehead as he entered the building, his head was hurting a lot more then it usually did, and his bones seemed to be aching, which wasn't uncommon because it often happened when he was outside in cold weather. He walked into the room he was supposed to be in and took his seat, but he really wasn't feeling right. He normally was feeling off, but this was different. He was colder than normal. He had become intolerable of the cold his second year of college (due to his loss of insulating fat), but this was something more.

As he sat in his chair trying to pay attention to the professor's lecture he began to shiver and the ache in his body became more severe. After 20 minutes he just couldn't sit there anymore. His insides hurt and his shivers where getting so intense he was starting to piss off the people sitting around him. Gathering his things he put them back into his bag and excused himself to go home, maybe he was coming down with something, he concluded as he made his way down the stairs of aisle at the side of the room. When his feet hit the level ground he stumbled and fell to his knees. There were black spots in his vision and his head was spinning. A girl in the first row got up and knelt by his side, helping him to his feet. Axel clung to the girl for a moment, and as the spell past he gently released her and thanked her for helping him up.

Without another word he left the lecture, the teacher gave him a look out of the corner of his eye but said nothing. There would be no consequence for Axel missing the class. He was the basketball teams star point guard, and they had a game tonight. Axel hunched against the cold as he exited the building and trudged home. Pulling one of his hands from his black leather gloves he picked at the skin at the side of his mouth. He had had a sore there for what seemed like forever and it didn't seem to be getting any better. Sighing he dropped his hand and put his glove back on as he sighted his building. He was so tired, all he wanted to do was go up to his room and sleep.

He didn't even make it as far as his room. As soon as he entered the apartment he threw himself down on the couch and pasted out.

~O~

Someone was shaking him and he groaned, feeling sluggish as he pried his eyes open and blearily looked up at Roxas. "Whadda wan'?" He mumbled.

"It's almost six, isn't there a game tonight?"

Axel's eyes shot open and he sat up sharply. His body protested violently, but he ignored it. He had to keep his scholarship or he wouldn't be able to stay in school. He forced himself to his feet even though all he wanted to do was fall back sleep and never wake up. He moved jerkily to his room and threw off his clothes, tugging his basketball uniform on. He then turned to see Roxas standing in his doorway with a concerned and thoughtful expression on his face.

"You know, Axel. I've been meaning to say something for a while now, but I didn't know how to bring it up..."

Axel quirked an eyebrow at the blond, then bent down to tie the laces of his black basketball shoes.

"Are you anorexic?" Roxas asked softly.

The redhead stilled and looked up at the blond, a million thoughts flying through his mind, but then he schooled his expression and gave Roxas a grin. "What are you talking about? I've told you before; I'm fine, I'm just anemic."

Roxas clutched at the door frame, "You don't eat anything Axel...And when you do, it's a fight. You're always sick or tired. And you've lost a ton of weight since I have known you..."

Axel stood. "Roxas," he said firmly. "I'm fine."

The blond looked like he didn't believe him and Axel gave a sigh, "Listen, there is something I want to talk to you about." Fuck the five pounds, He thought bitterly. I need to tell him. I need him to know. " Can we talk after the game?"

Hesitantly, Roxas nodded. He then went and grabbed his coat, accompanying the other male out of the apartment and across campus to the gymnasium. It was already full of students from both HBU and Radiant Garden U. Roxas found a seat in the fourth row and settled down to watch the game.

It was the fourth quarter and HBU was trailing behind by one point with two minutes left. Roxas and three quarters of the crowd were on their feet cheering. Demyx knocked the ball away from a blue haired boy on RGU's team and dribbled it down the court. Roxas went wild as he was blocked and he glanced around quickly before he tossed the ball to Axel. The redhead had his brilliant red hair tied back in a pony tail, his long legs taking him to the basket with two members of the other team on him. He jumped and released the ball. It circled the rim a couple of times, while the crowd held it's breath. As it fell into the net Axel hit the floor. The crowd went wild as the buzzer sounded and HBU had won the game. Roxas was jumping up and down until he looked to where Axel had skidded to a halt. He hadn't gotten back up.

Concern filled him and he started to push his way through the people who still had not noticed that Axel might have been hurt. Demyx had noticed, and he came to Axel's side and placed a hand on his shoulder. He then jumped back and screamed, "He's not breathing!"

Roxas shoved his way through people harder, trying to get to where teammates were crowding around the fallen boy. Demyx was screaming for someone to call 911 as a hush fell over the room. Roxas fell to his knees beside his best friend and pulled at his shoulders. Axel did not move. Roxas screamed and tears filled his eyes as he shook the limp body harder. He got no response and he was pulled away by someone and buried his head into their chest. It took a moment before he realized it was Demyx. He clutched at the other boy as his small body shook, muffling screams into the satiny material of Demyx's basketball jersey.

~O~

Axel Lea was pronounced DOA at Hollow Bastian County Hospital at 8:15pm November 13th 2012. He had suffered cardiac arrest due to anorexia and had been dead before he had hit the floor. The school had held a memorial in his honor, a tree and a small stone with Axel's name on it had been dedicated to the school by the basketball team and sat in the courtyard.

Roxas had had to move out of their apartment. He couldn't handle being there knowing Axel was never coming back. A week after his death his father had shown up to pack up Axel's things. Among them he found one of Roxas' dark blue shirts with a letter wrapped in it. The older man had given both to the blonde before finishing gathering up his late son's possessions and leaving.  
>Roxas had sat in the kitchen of Demyx's apartment and stared at the letter. Axel's perfect script scrawling out his name on the envelop. With a heavy heart and Demyx sitting across from him for support he reached forward and tore the envelop open, careful not to destroy it anymore then he had to.<p>

_Roxas,_

_If you are reading this then I never got to tell you that I love you. If you are reading this I'm guessing that I'm dead because I had promised myself that I would only keep this for as long as I didn't tell you in the off chance that something might happen to me. I'm sorry that I never got to tell you how I felt about you, because man, I was crazy about you. Since that first day I met you, when you had locked yourself out of your room and you stood there with this pout and were kicking at your door so I invited you into my room to hang while you waited for your roommate to come back. I fell in love with you that day. But I didn't have the courage to tell you because I was too self conscious about how I looked. That night I told myself that if I could lose 80 pounds I would tell you how I felt. I obviously never made it. I wanted those 80 pounds Roxas, I needed them because I needed you to know how I felt. And now you do, but it's not like it matters. Since, because you are reading this; I'm dead. I'm sorry I killed myself with my promise, I can't begin to apologize for that. But I also can't explain to you how important it had been to me. I really wish I had been a stronger person and had been able to tell you while I was alive._

_Please don't lose sight of your life over my death. I know you are going to go on and do something great with your life. I want that for you. I want you to go on and be great. Meet someone. I want you to meet someone and be happy, because I know the kind of pain my death is going to cause. I was your best friend, your rock. I was there for you when no one else was, I know the kind of bond we had. I'm sorry that I wasn't stronger for you. If I had been, I probably wouldn't be dead right now and you wouldn't be reading this. I don't know if you are even actually going to see this, but I have to assume that you might because I am sick. I know I'm sick, but I need those 80 pounds. I know I said that I can't explain it to you, but I need them, Roxas. It means so much to me and I don't want to not tell you how I feel anymore. So I am going to try and get there so I can tell you myself that I love you and then I can throw this letter out and you will never have to read it. But if all that doesn't happen, and you are reading this; Just know that I loved you more then I have ever loved anyone. Ever._

_All my love, Axel._

Roxas clutched the paper in his fists and burst into tears. "Stupid," He hiccuped. "You're so stupid Axel...I fell in love with you that day too...I didn't care what you looked like...I loved you too."

~O~

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><p>Rox: Please review.<p> 


	14. Innocence Part 2

Rox3l: So, I didn't even plan on continuing this, but like a lot of things I don't plan on have more, it just happened. And I know I haven't updated anything in a wicked long time and I am sorry about that, I have been trying to get out from under this _terrible _writers block I have had for forever. I manged to finish this tonight so hopefully I can get unstuck on the other stuff too.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this.

* * *

><p>~O~<p>

Axel opened his front door and froze in shocked horror. For five years he had been running away from his demon, and yet here it was now stand on his porch. Roxas gave him a small uncertain smile. "Hi...can I come in?"

Axel took in a deep breath, only then realizing that he hadn't been breathing. "What are you doing here, Roxas?"

The blond shuffled from one foot to the other in obvious nervousness. "I started college in Hollow Bastion in October. It took me this long to work up the courage to come see you."

Axel clutched at the door frame. "That doesn't tell me what you are doing here."

Those deep blue irises met Axel's emerald ones. "You know," He started softly. "I never told and one about that night."

Ice poured through Axel's veins and he stumbled back as if the words had been a physical blow. He wanted to run, escape from the little blond hellion that had haunted him for the past five God damn years.

"Why did you leave?" _me_ hung unspoken in the air between them.

Axel had to swallow twice before he could speak. "You were a child, Roxas. 13-years-old and I put my hands on you. What else could I have done? I couldn't stay and face what I did and just wait for the day the cops showed up on my door step."

Roxas shrugged, not knowing how to respond and shivering in the midwinter chill. "I'm the one that took advantage," He muttered.

Axel shook his head, "I was the adult. I never should have let it happen. I never should have even had those kinds of feelings for you." He finished softly, almost to himself.

Roxas took a small determined step forward. "I knew how you felt about me. I may have been 13, but I wasn't stupid. It was obvious how you felt. It was obvious that you cared for me, at least a little. I was a brat, and selfish and I used what I knew against you." He brought his small slim fingers up to grasp the front of Axel's shirt. "I need you, Axel."

Axel moved back out of the younger's hold and Roxas let him slip away. "You can't _be_ here, Roxas."

A look of pain crossed over those pale features. "Please don't send me away," Came the small, desperate voice.

Axel's heart thudded painfully against his ribs, "You need to leave."

"Please, Axel. I have no where else to go!"

The redhead froze, What are you talking about?"

The beginnings of tears gleamed in Roxas' eyes. "I lied to my parents about where I was going to college. A friend of mine sends them letters from Radiant U every week and he withdraws the money they wire me to help pay for his apartment as payment for doing this for me. I've been crashing on my cousin's couch, but he lives in a 1 bedroom apartment with his boyfriend and it's getting awkward. I can't afford to live in the dorms, and then my parents would find out I'm not where I said I was. Please, Axel. I have thought about nothing else but you and this moment, for the last five years."

Hot tears slipped down his cheeks, cutting damp lines over his cool skin. "I just want to be with you..."

Axel's vision shifted, as if the world was quite on its axis anymore. Never in a bajillion years did he ever think that Roxas would show up on his doorstep and confess to all but being in love with him. That wasn't how things like this were supposed to work. The kid was supposed to tell their parents and he was supposed to be arrested, spend some time in jail and end up on the sex offender registry for the rest of his miserable life. not have said kid search him out years later as some kind of saving grace. Struggling for something to say Axel motioned for Roxas to come into the apartment. It was obvious that this was going to end up being a difficult conversation and Axel was tired of standing with the winter air biting along his skin.

The blonde stepped inside and unzipped his jacket, shrugging out of it. He draped it over one of the kitchen chairs and turned to look at Axel. Axel had his back to the blonde as he closed and locked the door, adjusting the curtains, anything to stall turning around. Roxas took a moment to admire his form. The redhead was still tall and lithe, he still had those big hands, still had the long red tresses. He was still the good looking man that Roxas had seduced five years ago. When Axel finally turned Roxas averted his eyes to stare at the wall. there was a moment of awkwardness before the older of the two forced himself to straighten and move further into the house. Roxas followed behind him like a lost little puppy.

The two walked silently into the back bedroom where Axel turned to face the small blonde. "If I let you sleep in here, do you swear you will behave?"

Roxas nodded fast and way too many times. His eyes were wide and he looked as lost and confused as Axel felt. A pang of protectiveness shot through Axel's heart and without even think he stepped forward and took the boy into his arms. Roxas stayed stiff for a moment before melting into the embrace and letting out a strangled whimper. Axel's arms tightened and Roxas' arms wrapped his arms around Axel's back, clinging to his shirt.

"I couldn't forget you," He choked. "After what happened I thought I would just find someone at my school to have sex with because I was still stupid then and thought losing my virginity was a big deal. I knew this girl names Xion she was nice and we got along good." He paused to take a shaky breath. "We dated for a few months before we decided that we would give into the pressure we were under from others to have sex. But when it came down to it, all I could think of was you. I-I couldn't get it up...She was understanding and the next day we just told everyone we did it." He swallowed and let Axel lead him to the bed and sat him down on the edge.

"I didn't date much in High School. I had two boyfriends but each time it came down to doing it, I just couldn't..."

Axel was at a loss of what to say so he leaned over and began untying his shoes. Roxas watched as Axel began to undress and moved to do the same, letting what he had said linger in the air between them. Axel stripped down to his boxers and crawled across the bed. He pulled back the covers and settled under them. Roxas sat at the edge of the bed in his underwear which were -to Axel's dismay- a thong. But even sitting there basically naked, to Axel he looked venerable. The older pulled back the blanket over the spot next to him. "Come here."

Roxas gave a small smile and moved across the plush bedding and settled in next to Axel. They laid there with 6 inches of space between them for a moment before Axel turned on his side and pulled Roxas against him. The sapphire eyed teen let out a content sigh and let himself be held by the man that had taken his innocence from him, but he couldn't think of anyone else he would want to be with at that moment.

~O~


	15. Fuck Me Like You Hate Me

Rox3l: So, yeah, I posted that little thing yesterday and got no feedback, at all. I know it's only been a day but usually I get _something_.

Anyway, This is a shower bunny. A story idea I came up with while I was in the shower. Let me know if you like it.

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><p>~O~<p>

_Fuck Me Like You Hate Me_

"_You come around when you find me faithless_  
><em>You come around when you find me faceless<em>  
><em>Fuck me like you hate me<em>"

Axel groaned as he heard his cell phone's ringtone. He recognized it instantly. It was the tone he set for when Roxas called. They had been best friends back in high school, but then Axel had fucked up. He had broken one of the biggest rules of friendship; you don't poach your friend's boyfriend. But Axel had, and Roxas had walked in on the two of them in the throes. Needless to say their friendship was in permanent back stock after that. Then one night at a party junior year they had run into each other. They hadn't spoken since their friendship had dissolved and if it hadn't been for the immense amount of alcohol in each's systems a fight would have been inevitable.

How they both wound up in an upstairs bedroom with Axel pinning Roxas to the wall and feverishly making out was still something of a mystery between them. But ever since that first hazy booze induced touch, Axel was hooked. Roxas called him a week later. At first the redhead was surprised that the blond still even had his phone number, then it became apparent the nature of his call. He was drunk and looking for a booty call, Axel went over to the dorms regardless. Two weeks later it happened again. Then a month. Then three days. Every time Roxas would call Axel would drop what -or who- he was doing and head over. He knew he was being used but there was just something so intoxicating about sex with Roxas that Axel could never bring himself to pass it by.

"_Dig it up and whore me out  
>Fuck me like you hate me<br>Dig it up and tear it down  
>I love the sound when you come undone<em>"

Axel fumbled on his bedside table and picked up his smartphone. He slid his thumb over the screen and brought the phone to his ear, "Yeah?"

"Hey," Came Roxas' soft voice. He sounded unsure of himself.

"What's wrong?" Axel asked immediately, sitting up in bed.

Roxas blew out air, "I fucked up Axel."

"What did you do?" The redhead demanded slipping from between the sheets and padding nude to his closet.

The blond's voice became shaky, "Saix gave me some pills…"

"Shit," Axel cursed. "Do you know what he gave you?"

Roxas made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a moan on the other end of the line. "Noooo…"

Axel held the phone between his ear and shoulder as he hopped on one foot pulling on a pair of jeans. "Okay. Stay where you are. I'll be there as soon as I can."

He hung up and placed the phone in his pocket and grabbed a shirt to yank over his head before he was out his bedroom door. He shared an on campus apartment with two other boys, both of them were really good friends of his, "Dem! I need to borrow the car."

"Why?" Came the response from the living room.

"Rox took some shit Saix gave him and he needs me to go pick him up."

"You know, I don't know why you let that little prick treat you like this, Axel. You are his fucking toy. And not even in a good way. Roxas says "jump" and you jump. He says "do this" and you do it."

"I've heard all this before." Axel called back angrily. "Can I take the car or not?"

"Yeah, fuck whatever man."

Axel grabbed the keys off the counter and headed to the door. He jumped into the driver's side of the new Kia and started the engine. He then took off like a madman to Saix's place. It was the go to place for college kids who wanted to party and get smashed on a weekend basis. Like every weekend the street was filled with cars and Axel had to park halfway down. He didn't care. At that moment he was worried about what and how much Roxas had taken. The little blonde wasn't usually one to take drugs, so Axel was sure something had gone drastically wrong tonight. He pushed past a drunken couple who were making out on the porch and entered the house. The music vibrated his skin and he couldn't hear a damn thing besides the repeating chorus of the song. He scanned the faces in the crowd and spotted Riku plastered to the backside of a brunette that he was sure he knew his name but didn't care enough to remember it at the moment.

Pushing through the people writhing to the music in the living room he finally came to the pair, after having to peel a very drunk Kairi off of him. He grabbed Riku by the shoulder, which startled him. He then brought his face to Riku's ear and yelled if he had seen Roxas. Riku turned his head and yelled back that he has seen him about half an hour ago on the second floor. Axel thanked him and began the journey to get back through the bodies and not get molested. He succeeded in getting out of the mass, but not before someone had slid their hand into his pants and given him a grope.

Axel then headed to the stairs and had to step over at least two past out drunks. He took a breath and went up to the second floor. There were less people here and he could hear a bit better. He then spotted Xion. He waved her over and the black haired girl smiled. "I take it you are here to escort Roxas home?"

Axel nodded, "Yeah. Where is he?"

Xion pointed her thumb in the direction of a white pane door, "In there. He locked himself in the bathroom about 20 minutes ago. I'm pretty sure Saix gave him some E."

Axel pinched the bridge of his nose, "Great, just what I needed at three in the morning. Do you know how long ago he took it?"

The raven haired girl shrugged, "I don't know about 40 minutes maybe? I wasn't with him the whole time, and when Yuki showed up I was so not getting in the middle of that drama fuck."

Axel paled slightly, "Yuki's here?"

Xion nodded, "Yeah, somewhere. He showed up with some guy and was totally rubbing it in Roxas' face."

Axel sighed, and felt less pissed about Roxas taking random shit that he was given. He could kind of understand. "Alright. Thanks Xi. I'll call you tomorrow to let you know that we are both still alive."

Axel then made his way over to the door and knocked, "Roxas? It's me."

The door flung open and the smaller yanked him into the room. Axel stumbled inside and before he even knew what was happening Roxas was pressed against him and was kissing him, hard. He was startled so badly that Roxas managed to get the button and fly open and had both hands down inside his pants. Axel reacted to Roxas cupping him and grabbed onto his wrists. Roxas looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"Please Axel, I'm on fire. I need to touch someone. I need you."

Axel swallowed hard. If there was one phrase uttered in Roxas docile tones, it was that. His grip on Roxas' wrists loosened and the blond took that as a go ahead to pull Axel from his pants. The taller's member was still small and soft, but Axel knew that Roxas had a kink for sucking on him while he was still little. He loved the feeling of Axel getting hard in his mouth. Without fail Roxas took him into his mouth and Axel let out a shutter as Roxas slipped his tongue into the foreskin. He then pulled the skin back with his hand and licked at the exposed head. Axel's body jerked and Roxas did it again. Blood began filling the organ, making it jump in the smaller man's hand.

Axel leaned back against the door and let out a small sound of pleasure. Ocean blue eyes looked up at him and Axel's breath caught in his throat as a spasm caught his body. The sight of Roxas on his knees with Axel's cock in his mouth was just so sinfully good. Axel wished he could capture that image and use it as masturbation fodder whenever he might need it. Roxas moaned around him and began to bob on the now stiff flesh. Axel's fingers dung into the wood of the door behind him as Roxas placed his own hands against Axel's thighs. He gave the muscles in Axel's legs a squeeze as he moved up and down on the cock in his mouth. Axel let out a full throated moan and tossed his head back against the door, his eyes shut tight. Roxas then took one hand and wrapped it around the base of Axel's erection to keep the extra skin from sliding over the head again; he wanted to keep the sensitive tip exposed to all he was doing to Axel's dick.

He then took a breath and went down, and down, pushing all the way till his lips met the front of Axel's body. Axel arched as Roxas stayed there for a moment, his throat convulsing before pulling back up, replacing his mouth with his hand. Axel panted and looked down at him with wild eyes. Roxas gave Axel a smile before wrapping his lips snugly around the head and repeating the process. Axel gave a shout and gripped the back of Roxas' head and held him there until Roxas fought to pull up. He came off gasping, saliva dripping down then length of Axel's aching cock. The redhead then pushed Roxas back, falling to his knees and tearing at the front of Roxas' pants.

Roxas helped Axel pull him out of his own clothing and arched as Axel pushed his legs up and pressed his cock between Roxas' ass cheeks. Axel had a hold of the base of his own erection and his other hand behind one of Roxas' knees, holding him open. He then pressed the spit wet tip against Roxas' hole and pressed his hips forward. The blonde stayed perfectly still and tried to stay as relaxed as possible. After a tense standoff the head of Axel's dick began to sink into Roxas' body and both men moaned. Roxas then grasped the back of Axel's neck with his hot hands, "Fuck me, Axel."

The redhead complied and pulled out till the head almost popped free then plunged back in. Roxas made a pained whimper but Axel didn't stop. He just pulled out again and thrust back in. This was how it was between them. Roxas wanted it to hurt, and Axel got off a bit on causing that kind of pain. Their movement increased, Axel's hips slapping against Roxas' bottom. He began moving just that bit faster now that Roxas had started adjusting. Now he had to cause a different kind of pain. He reared back on his knees and took hold of both of Roxas' legs, holding them tight to his chest as he thrust harder, as hard as he could. Roxas whimpered and thrashed on the floor. Axel ignored him and concentrated on the feeling of tight heat sliding against the skin of his cock. The massage of Roxas' inner walls gripping his member each time he thrust in. It felt fucking amazing.

Roxas howled on the floor and tried to pull away from Axel. Axel gripped him tighter and snapped his hips brutally a couple times, causing Roxas to choke on a scream. He clawed at the tile floor until his fingers turned white and hot tears were streaming down his face. Axel turned his head at the site of the tears and placed his teeth into the skin and flesh of Roxas' calf, drawing blood. Roxas screamed and arched, his semen spurting from the tip of his cock, completely untouched. Axel threw his head back and let himself come inside Roxas' shuddering form. Roxas whimpered, feeling Axel's cock spasming inside his ass as it emptied the redhead's seed into his body. They both relaxed and Axel gently pulled his still half hard cock out of the blonde. Roxas stood as soon as he was free of Axel and made his way over to the sink. He splashed water on his face and gripped the basin.

"I think that shit is starting to work it's way out of my system."

"Good," Axel replied standing up and tucking his dick back into his pants and zipping up. He looked over at Roxas, who was pulling back on his own pants.

"Let's get you home, okay?"

The blond looked over at him and nodded, "That sounds really good."

~O~

* * *

><p>Rox3l: So, yeah. Liked it? Hated it? Indifferent? Let me know.<p> 


	16. Torment (For Halloween)

Rox: Okay, so here is the scoop. I love Halloween. It is my favorite holiday and I know that this is a few days late but I really couldn't let my fav holiday pass by without doing at least a little something for it. So here you go.

Enjoy.

~O~

Roxas hid his face in Axel's arm as a bloody doctor with a gash across his face and what looked like a heart in his hand jumped out at them. Axel laughed at the little blonde's fears and ushered him deeper into the haunted house. As they rounded the corner to the next room the flicker of a strobe made it hard to see clearly. Roxas was up against the wall even before the moved in front of the punched out wall that was filled with dismembered bodies engulfed in snakes.

Roxas whimpered and covered his eyes with his hands, "Oh god why snakes? I _hate_ snakes."

At that moment an actor jumped out from the side and screamed. Roxas jumped back against the wall and cried out. The redhead laughed full out and pushed Roxas forward. The smaller was shaking his head over and over again.

"I don't want to do this anymore," he whined.

Axel shook his head and put his arm around Roxas. "Stop being such a baby. There is nothing in here that is really going to hurt you."

Roxas hit Axel in the shoulder, "I know that! But it doesn't keep my imagination from running away with me."

They made their way down a hall and Roxas started to calm down a bit because there was nothing in this hallway. As the got to the end and were about to round the corner doors that Roxas hadn't noticed were there slammed open and a dead looking actor jump down into his face. Roxas panicked and booked it into the claustrophobic hallway. He pushed through the large bags of air, trying to get through as fast as he could because he just really wanted to get the hell out of here. Axel was on his heels in hysterics, Roxas was far too entertaining when he was afraid.

As soon as the blond managed to push his way out of the air bags he jumped and screamed as a black clad girl honked a bicycle horn in his face. Axel pushed through the bags behind him and put his hands on Roxas' shoulders moving him forward. Roxas dug his heels into the floor and pushed back against Axel.

"No. I won't do this anymore!" He wailed.

Axel was practically in tears as he gave Roxas a hard shove between the shoulder blades and had him stumbling into the wall.

"Just keep moving and this will be done soon."

Roxas gave him a reproachful look over his shoulder but nodded and made his way around yet another corner. He could hear movement before he rounded the second turn and was yet again up against the wall. "Oh, fuck no!" He cried out in horror.

In the middle of the room was a morbidly obese looking prop that was moving and making farting noises. Again Axel gave Roxas a nudge to get him moving and the two of them made their way across the room. They turned two more corners and were in another hallway. As they made their way through Roxas startled to a halt.

"I'm not crazy!"

There was a slam against the wall next to him and Roxas screamed as a girl in a strait jacket threw herself against the wall screaming. Roxas skittered around her and turned into a room with bunk beds against the wall as you came in and a desk in the middle of the room. There were cobwebs over all the furniture and a giant spider on the top bunk over what looked like a mangled body. There was a girl in a black dress sitting on top of the desk singing 'itsy bitsy spider.' It was creepy as hell and Roxas kept his eyes on the actor as he made his way across the room, not wanting to turn his back and have her scare him.

Axel followed him as they left the room and made their way into the next part of the haunted house. As they left the spider room another set of doors slammed opened and Roxas cried out. Axel was laughing again as they turned the corner and were suddenly in pitch blackness. There were whispers all around they to 'go back.' As they moved toward the center of the hall a blacked out actor popped out of nowhere and screamed at them. Roxas jumped and ran into one of the half bodies hanging from the rafters and he freaked running ahead of him. He rounded both of the turned and was suddenly in a rundown and disgusting kitchen.

Axel touched his shoulder and he jumped. He was expecting the redhead to have kept up with him when he had run. They two made their way through this room, Roxas just waiting for someone to jump out at them and Axel watching the blonde's reactions. They got to the end of the room, where a table sat with gross plates and utensils on it when another actor jumped out at him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Roxas ran into the table and covered his face. Axel took him by the shoulders and guided him around the table and out of the kitchen with the actor screaming at them to come back if she promised not to eat them. They were now in the last room and Roxas' heart was in his throat. A light went off and he was suddenly surrounded by clowns. He screamed like his leg was being chopped off and ran for the door marked 'Exit.' When he was finally outside he took a breath of relief and turned toward Axel who was doubled over with laughter.

"I fucking _hate_ you."

"Oh, come on." Axel cooed. "That was awesome."

Roxas glared at him and stormed away.

"Hey!" Axel called after him. "You wanna go through The Colony now?"

~O~

Rox3l: Yeah. So I worked at a haunted house this Halloween season and I thought I would just do a little something where the boys go through our haunt. xD Hope you liked it.


	17. Give It To Me

Rox3l: Yeah this is just something to amuse myself with. It's totally really short but it was funny as hell. Hope you find it as a amusing as I did.

~O~

"Give it to me Axel! Oh! I need it." The little blonde screamed at his boyfriend.

"You don't need to yell at me." Axel said in a sultry purr.

Roxas shook his head, his blonde locks flying, "God don't do this to me, just give it to me."

Axel shook his head and moved out of Roxas' reach which caused the smaller to give a groan of protest. "Not until you ask reeeeeeeeeeeeeeal nice like."

Roxas whimpered and bit his lip, "You're being cruel, Axel."

Axel grinned at his boyfriend, "Just ask for it nicely."

Roxas pouted, "No you're being a jerk, just do it."

Axel leaned back against the door and stared at his little frustrated boyfriend. He loved to see Roxas like this; wet, bothered and just glaring death at him. He just adored seeing him squirm.

Roxas looked at Axel with his blue eyes bright and shiny, "Please Axel I can't take it anymore. I'll do anything. Please just give it to me…"

Axel's heart lurched at Roxas' plea for mercy and he waivered in his teasing. Sighing dramatically Axel withdrew his hand from behind his back and handed his little soaking wet boyfriend an umbrella. Roxas took it gratefully and opened it, standing there on their front steps.

"I told you all you had to do was ask nicely."

~O~


	18. Better Than Drugs

_~O~_

_Better than Drugs_

_~O~_

"My name is Axel, and I was ten years old when I watched my father shoot my mother nine times then turn the gun on himself..."

"Hello Axel," The small group of people murmur as I twisted my fingers over one another. This is the third support group I have been a part of in the last year. I'm now 17-years-old but what my father did when I was a kid still haunts me.

I clear my throat, "I...uh...I moved around a lot after that. I didn't have any family willing to take me so I went into foster care. I had a lot of nightmares, stared acting out, and it wasn't long before I wasn't staying more then a few weeks. I remember I was with one family for only two days before the agency was coming to pick me up because they couldn't take it anymore. I started hanging out with older kids, kids that were a bad influence. I remember the first time I got picked up by the police. I was 13-years-old and had been tagging this billboard.

"I remember hearing the sirens, and seeing the flashing lights. I panicked and tried to jump from the platform. I busted my leg and just laid there crying when the cops handcuffed me. After that...well...I couldn't take the memories and the nightmares anymore. I started using. At first it was just when the dreams were really bad, then it was when I was stressed, then when I didn't want to deal with life. It became more and more frequent till I can't remember a day when I wasn't high..."

I lases into silence and the small group claps. I feel a flood of relief at telling these complete strangers some of my darkest secrets.

"Alright now. Who would like to go next? Roxas?"

A small blonde that looks no more then 14 sits up straight and fiddles with a lock of that shocking hair. "Hi, my name is Roxas. Um...Well I guess I'm here because my parents abandoned me when I was a baby. My aunt and uncle took me in. I guess my childhood was pretty normal. I had a lot of friends, I excelled in school, I stayed out of trouble. I tried to be the best possible kid I could because I didn't want to burden my aunt and uncle that didn't have to take me in. When I was 13 my uncle started coming into my room in the morning before he went off to work. He would say he just wanted a hug and would lay on top of me until I was uncomfortable and tried to wiggle away."

The blonde's voice starts to tremor but he keeps on with his story.

"I put the strange morning ritual out of my mind, telling myself it wasn't anything to be worried over until he came into my room in the middle of the night. By that time, I had become ultra sensitive to someone coming into my room and just the opening of my door would wake me up. I remember waking up, hearing the squeak of my door. I just laid there as my uncle crawled into my bed. I..."

The little blonde, Roxas, chokes off and shakes his head. The girl sitting next to him pats his shoulder as crystalline tears trail down the kids pale cheeks. After a moment of quiet hiccuping he continues.

"He molested me for the next four years. During which my life just fell apart. I stopped doing well in school, stopped hanging around with my friends, I started doing drugs when I was 13. I was pretty messed up...My aunt figured out what was going on last year...she took her husband to court. I thought she would hate me over what happened but she saved me..."

The group claps and then the next person in the group sits up and begins her story, it's a black haired girl named, Xion. She tells us about how her boyfriend got her hooked and then whored her out for drug money. I stop listening to her and stare at Roxas. He's kinda spaced and staring at the wall across from him. After a few minutes he catches me looking and looks back. I smile at him. He keeps on staring for a moment before giving me a small upturn of his lips. The meeting continues, more people tell sad stories about how they got addicted to drugs, I just keep looking at Roxas. And he keeps looking back.

After the last person speaks the sponsor sets a date for the next week and we all scatter. Some move over to the small table with a coffee pot. I walk over to Roxas, who is slow pandering towards the door. "Hey, I'm Axel."

The blonde looks back over his shoulder and gives me a smile, "Roxas."

He sticks out his hand and I accept it, closing my long fingers around his small ones. "You wanna get out of here?"

Roxas nods and pulls my hand to his mouth, brushing his lips over my knuckles, "Yeah."

_~O~_

Rox3l: Hey guys, this is just something small that I felt like doing, let me know what you thought?


	19. Let Me In

~O~

Axel was sitting on his bed, his 3DS in hand. It was just past midnight and he was wailing on a Rathalos in the new Monster Hunter game when a sudden knock on the front door of the apartment startled him. He was alone for the night, his roommate Demyx was at his boyfriends house for the night. Frowning he paused his game and walked cautiously out into the kitchen. He didn't know anyone that would be knocking on his door at half past midnight. As he stood there warily eying the door there came another knock. It wasn't loud or frantic just a series of four solid knocks. Taking a breath and telling his self to grow up he crossed the last few feet to the door and pulled it open. Axel was surprised to see that it has started raining, a light mist had covered the screen door with droplets of water. On the other side of glass stood what looked like a 14-year-old boy, though Axel couldn't see his face clearly as the boy had the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his eyes.

"Can I help you?" Axel asked.

"I'm lost," Came the surprisingly flat voice. "Can I come in and use your phone?"

An odd feeling creeped up the back of Axel spine, ever hair on his body stood on end. His instincts screaming at him to not let this kid in the house. Swallowing hard Axel gripped the side of the door until his knuckles turned white. "You can use my cell. Wait right there and I'll go get it." He turned away to grab his phone from where it was charging on the counter a few feet away.

The kid slammed his palm against the glass causing it to rattle in its frame. The hood slipped a bit reveling light blonde spikes clinging wetly to his cheeks. Axel jumped and looked back at the boy. "Let me in," He demanded.

The redhead stared at this pale form his heart in his throat. "Listen kid. I don't want any trouble. So why don't I go right over there" he pointed to where his black HTC EVO could be seen sitting "get my phone and you can call your parents or whatever."

The blond scowled and slammed his hand against the glass again causing Axel to jump again. "Let me in!" He screamed his voice causing goosebumps to break out over Axel's skin. "I can't come in unless you say I can. Let me in."

The sodden hood covering the boy's face finally slipped off and what Axel saw chilled him to the bone. They kid's eyes were pitch black. No whites, no iris, just black emptiness. "Let me in, Axel."

Fear like nothing Axel had ever experienced seized his heart and without thinking he slammed the door shut, flipped the lock and ran like hell to his room. His heart was in his throat making it hard to breathe as he slammed the door to his room and dragged a chair over to wedge under the knob. "What the fuck," He muttered over and over under his gasping breath. He stood there for what seemed like hours listening to the blood roaring in his ears. He waited to hear something, have any sign that something was coming after him. But as the minutes ticked by and nothing tried to get into his room Axel's fear ebbed. Slowly, he moved the chair from the door and carefully opened it. His heart began hammering against his ribcage as he made his way back into the kitchen. Nothing was out of the ordinary and he inched into the room. His eyes darted into every corner, but there was nothing there to see.

Terrified he moved, inch by inch, toward the door. He did not want to look out there, he didn't want to see those eyes again. After almost 15 minutes of scootching toward the front door Axel reached out and pushed the curtain of the window to the left of the door open. The porch was empty. There was nothing out there but the light patter of the rain. Letting the curtain fall closed again Axel moved and fell into one of the kitchen chairs. He had not idea what had just happened to him, but he knew he was going to remember those eyes for the rest of his life.

~O~

Rox3l: So this was just a little something I wanted to do because I watched a show that talked about Black Eyed Kids and I just thought it was creepy as fuck. What did you think?


	20. Suvivor

~O~

I watch as Roxas avoids my eyes as he tells me he doesn't want to have sex with me. We are laying on his bed, his pants are open and my shirt is gone. I have a boner trapped painfully in my pants and a very freaked out boyfriend holding me at arms length. I don't understand what is going on. I shift back onto my heels to give him some space and wince as the fabric of my jeans tightens around my erection. I adjust myself as discreetly as I can and wait for some sort of explanation from my little blonde boyfriend. Roxas takes a couple of deep breaths and relaxes a bit, which makes some of the tension ease from between my shoulders.

He sits up and fidgets with the hem of his shirt tugging it down as far as it will go. I wait for a very long time, just watching him as he obviously has some kind of major internal battle. He slowly lifts his head and meets my eyes with his own cerulean blue ones. God, I love his eyes, I could stare into them for the rest of my life. He tightens his grip on his shirt and holds onto it like it's his lifeline as he tells me he is not comfortable with the idea of having sex with me. I ask him why not and he looks off to the side still with a strangle hold on his t-shirt. I'm starting to think that there is a lot more going on here than reluctance to have sex.

I reach out and tug his hands away from his shirt. He looks up at me with a sheer moment of panic. I bring his hands to my lips and gentle kiss each knuckle. I ask him if he knows that I would never hurt him, he gives me a fearful and uncertain look but nods and says that he does. I ask him if he trusts me, he says he does. I ask him if he loves me, again he says he does. I ask him why he doesn't trust me enough to take of his shirt. I am taking a shot in the dark here that that is the problem, but Roxas looking up at me with those horrified eyes tells me that I am right in my assumption.

He shakes his head and whispers that he is ugly. Confused I ask him what he means and he just shakes his head again as tears slip down his cheeks. His hands fall to his sides and he's crying. Pain touches my heart but I push that aside and reach for my boyfriend. Slowly I run my hands along his thighs until I get to the hem of his shirt. I'm starting to realize that I have never seen Roxas shirtless. Never once in the almost year that I have known him. Frowning I slip my hand under his shirt and feel every muscle in in stomach tense. I whisper sweet nothing at him as I run my fingers over the skin of his belly. It's soft and supple and I can feel the muscles underneath it. I lick my lips and move my hands higher and freeze in surprise. There is a raised flesh here, a scar. As I move my fingertips I realize that there is a lot of them.

Roxas is like a doll, unmoving under my touch. I pull him into a sitting position and take hold of the hem of his shirt pulling it over his head and tossing it carelessly to the floor. Roxas makes a little choked sound at this, and makes to cover himself. I hush him and reassure that no matter what I see I am still going to love him and want to be with him, forever. After a few tense moments Roxas relaxes again and lets himself ease back onto the bed. He won't look at me as I examine the mark in his flesh, he is determinedly staring off at the wall and I am glad that he is because I can't hide the disgust and anger that I feel cross my face.

Carved into the flesh on his chest are the words. _I am a dirty slut_. I ask him if he did this and he looks back at me angerly and says he did not. So I ask him who did and he manages to choke out that his mother did it when he was a boy. That she had been messed up and had abused him until he was 8 years old before someone saw the marks and called social services. I feel sick and angry as Roxas tells me the story. I slip up next to him on the bed and just hold him as he recalls the trauma from his childhood. I say nothing besides the occasional encouragement as he talks. We lay like that for a long time before eventually he drifts off to sleep with tears clinging to his thick eyelashes. I hold him, like the something precious he is to me. I can't believe that a parent, let alone a mother, could do that to their child. I just lay there and hold my little blonde perfect boyfriend and am thankful all the more that he his here in my life, alive and surviving.

~O~

Rox3l: Hey guys! So this is something that just popped into my mind and I wrote it real quick. Let me know what you thought.


	21. I Remember

"I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on you. I remember loving the look of the ice blue ring in your lip, and the studs that lined your earlobes. I loved the deep blue color of your eyes as you passed by me on your long board. Your eyes met mine and that was all it took. That single glance at a stranger and you didn't see the stop sign and BAM! you were on your ass with a bloodied nose and I was laughing hysterically even though I really wanted to run over and see if you were okay. You sat there with tears in your eyes holding your face cursing and I got myself enough under control to stroll over and check on you. You waved me off at first when I asked if you were okay, but I knew better. I persisted and you finally caved after a few minutes and accepted my offer of help. I remember picking up your long board with one hand and wrapping my other around your shoulders to help steady you as I was unsure of your ability to stand on your own.

"I remember you wrapping your arm around my waist in return as you were at least 2 feet shorter than me. I remember the feeling of your thin arm holding onto me made me smile. I remember walking you to a near by cafe and setting you up in one of the booths before going up to the counter and asking for a cup of water and some ice. The cute girl behind the counter gave me what I asked for without question, but she did give me a flirtatious smirk as I went back to the bleeding blonde. I remember wrapping the ice in a napkin and holding it out to your swollen face. You flinched when it came in contact with your bruised flesh but quickly wrapped your fingers around my own to hold the ice to your face. I remember letting my hand slip away from your face with a twinge of regret. I remember you commenting that you didn't think it was broken as you flexed the muscles in your face, cringing at what I was sure was the soreness of the blossoming bruises that were ringing under your eyes and spreading across your cheek.

"I remember offering to buy you a coffee since we were there and you're surprised "why the hell not". We both got an iced mocha latte and just sat there and talked. For hours. Not even realizing it until the sun began to set. We exchanged cell number then and parted ways and I remember the little flutter in my chest as I looked at your number in my phone. You name at the top of the contact info; Roxas. I remember calling you the next day under the guise of wanting to know how your face was doing. You told me that it was fine, but bruised as all hell. We laughed and talked for about an hour before I worked up the courage to ask you if you wanted to have coffee again that weekend. After barely a moment's hesitation you agreed. And just like that we had our first date planned. I was never sure if you counted it as our first date, but I sure did. I remember how hot you looked when you came into the coffee shop. You were wearing a white and black checkered hoodie and black skinny jeans. You looked like a little hipster and I was in love. Head over heels, over the moon, completely fallen for you.

"Those next few hours were bliss. We walked around town, had dinner and went back to my place. We both knew what was going to happen when we got there, and fuck if that wasn't the best fuck I had ever had in my life. I never knew one person could be so flexible. I remember waking up the next morning with you in my arms. I remember wanting to wake up like that everyday for the rest of my life. Parting ways that morning had been one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. I wanted to keep you locked away where only I could see you, but knew that I was sounding a bit crazy so I backed off a bit. I waited for you to call me first. Which turned out to be complete agony, but fortunately I didn't have to wait too long because the very next night you texted me with a casual _sup?_

"My heart jumped into my throat and I was so glad that it wasn't a phone call because I could barely breath. My fingers were shaking as I typed out my reply. We met up the next day and were dating by the end of the week. We were together for 6 months when I decided that you were the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. On our six month anniversary I asked you to move in with me. You were hesitant at first but after a few days of thinking about it you finally agreed. We began moving your stuff into my place the following weekend, deciding which of your things would go where and which of mine would stay where they were. It was a difficult transition but that first morning of waking up next to you is one of the happiest moments of my life.

"I remember the last time I ever saw you…

"I had been running late to class and had rushed out the door with a shout of "I love you". You called back "I love you too" as the door slammed behind me. If I had known that was the last time I would have ever seen you alive I would have taken the time to kiss you goodbye. I would have told you how much you meant to me, how you were my everything. I would have gladly missed my whole class to make love to you one last time. Just to hold you close to me, smell the scent of your hair, seen the blue of your eyes. If I had known you were going to get scrapped off the road by some stupid girl going 10 miles over the speed limit who had looked down to check her texts and didn't see the boy on the skateboard I would have had you stay home that day. I remember sitting in class when the police officers came to get me. I had been listed in your phone as your emergency contact. I remember the words that the officer was saying just didn't make sense. My mind just couldn't comprehend. Refused to understand at first.

"I remember the exact moment that I realized what they were saying to me. That you had been hit by a car and had passed away enroute to the hospital. That you were gone. I remember the world around me had shifted, things were swimming, then there was nothing. I woke an hour later in the school's infirmary. At first I was confused as to why I was there then it all came back to me in a rush and I don't even remember when I started screaming, but suddenly the nurse was trying to pry my hands away from my arms. I looked down to see that I had torn my own flesh up with my fingernails so badly that the sheet under me was streaked with red. I didn't remember doing it. I don't remember much after that. I remember the nurses assistant had called for an ambulance. I remember the EMTs holding me down as they injected something cold into my arm, and then everything was black for a long time.

"I remember waking in a small white room. I knew exactly where I was because I had been committed for self harm in my teens. It was a while after I woke that the doctor came in and told me that I was only here for the night under observations. That night had been the longest of my life. Just me alone in a room, with nothing but my thoughts. If I had ever wanted to die in my life, it had been that night. Some how I had made it through and they released me the next day. I'd had my best friend pick me up because I didn't trust myself to go back to our apartment alone. It had been painfully walking through. I thought for a long time about packing up your things, but I just never was able to bring myself to do it. Even now, all your things are sitting right where you left them.

I miss you Roxas, I miss you so much..." Axel laid his hand against the tombstone and pressed his lips to the cold stone.


End file.
